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The Female Orgasm
HTHGS: Learning how to orgasm through
intercourse (Written by Alex Robboy, LSW)
Given the fact that most women will never orgasm through
coitus alone, do not worry. Many techniques exist to facilitate a woman having
an orgasm and having great sex!
To increase stimulation to a woman's clitoral area during
coitus, there are several option:
1) Increase the pressure from the male's pelvic bone,
exerted onto the female's clitoral hood. In other words, do a little bit of
grinding. Try moving up and down or side to side. During this period of
experimentation, communication between the two of you will be extremely
important (i.e. "too hard, too soft, ooh - I like it better this way, and
yep - that sure feels good").
2)While the woman is in the top position, assuming full
control of all the movements, the man should lie flat on his back, pelvic tilted
upward, stomach muscles tightened and back flat against the ground, and lie
perfectly still. He then should take his right thumb (if he is right-handed) and
place it approximately halfway between his bellybutton and penis. This way as
his partner thrusts forward, her clitoris will rub against his finger. Many
women find this extra stimulation pleasurable, especially because her thrusting
motion controls the degree of stimulation that she will receive.
3)Maintaining the same positions, with woman on top, an on
bottom, the woman should remain perfectly still. Please note, while she is on
top, she should tense her inner thigh muscles and her vagina should fully engulf
the man's penis. In this position, the man can easily apply direct
manipulation/stimulation to her clitoris with his hand. To increase the
stimulation, the woman (only after 5 minutes) could SLOWLY rotate her hips,
and/or move her vagina up and down along the shaft of his penis.
4)The woman can masturbate. She can masturbate from any
sexual position. Probably, the easiest thing to do in the beginning is to have
the man and woman both lie still, so that the woman begins her masturbation,
with his penis deep inside of her - without the distraction of movements. Then
as her excitement begins to increase, they both can slowly resume their coitus
5)There are MANY more ways to combine manual stimulation
with intercourse. But the basic gist is this: whatever sexual position the two
of you are in, be it doggie-style, side-by-side, missionary, or sitting, take a
moment and stop mid-position. Then take turns stimulating the clitoral area. As
the two of you acclimate to this additional form of stimulation, and have
figured out how to minimize the awkwardness of whatever position the two of you
happen to be in at the moment, increase the pelvic thrusting motions.
6)For the more adventurous and willing to be focused on
pure female pleasure . . . The woman lies on the bottom, legs tightly held
together. The man lies on top, legs spread out. Instead of being directly in
line with her, the man should be at a slight diagonal. In other words, one foot
should be closer to her, than his other foot. In addition, his head should be 6
inches to the right (or left, depending on which diagonal he is on) and his head
should be about 1 foot above her head (so that her head reaches his shoulder).
This position is designed to enhance female clitoral stimulation. It does so by
maximizing the rubbing potential between the male pelvic bone and the female
Tips written by Alex Robboy, LSW
HTHGS: Orgasm (Written by Alex
If you are having trouble imagining how this conversation
might go ask him to participate in the following exercise with you:
Take ten minutes and answer the following questions (set
A). After you and your partner have finished answering the questions, read your
answers to each other. Then answer the following questions (set B).
1) The fastest way to make me orgasm is to _____
2) The thing that you do that turns me on the most is
3) My sexual fantasy is ____
4) I find it difficult to talk about what turns me on
5) The one thing that you could do to help me talk about my
sexual likes/dislikes is___
6) My favorite type of oral sex is _______
7) My favorite sexual positions are ____
8) The best sex we ever had was ____
9) Orgasm means ____ to me
10) When you touch me like ____ I generally respond ____
1) The one thing that I am most struck by is _______
2) The hardest thing for me to hear is ________
3) This has been helpful for me in the following ways
4) If it is ok with you, I would like to try _______
5) When can we practice?
This tip was originally written by Alex Robboy, LSW
HTHGS: How do I know if I am having
an orgasm? (Written by Alex Robboy, LSW)
Written by Alex Robboy, LSW
HTHGS: My wife doesn't think
she is having an orgasm through intercourse
I think that she is having orgasms they are just different.
I think this for varying reasons:
Basically what I want to know is: for women are intercourse
orgasms different than hand orgasms. If you could explain the differences if
there are any I would greatly appreciate it. If from the information I have
provided you think that there is something else that I am not just getting feel
free to tell me. Mostly I just want my wife to be happy & to think that she
is enjoying sex. I have been a member of your email newsletter for the 2 years
that we have been married.
Just recently she has brought this to my attention, and I
am having a hard time dealing with this because I have always tried to please
her before I please myself. When I asked her she would tell me that she had an
orgasm, because she didn't want to tell me she wasn't when her body would react
the way it does. Basically its seems to me that she has been very confused.
Sorry If I have rambled on. Thank you so very much for any help. Ramble
HTHGS: How to have an orgasm
I think. I was thinking perhaps I should look into
some herbal solutions. Can I take something to enhance desire/feeling? I
have talked to my doctors, friends, boyfriends.... it's frustrating. Can
you give me advice? Angie
When you are with a partner, what does your communication with him/her
look like? When something does not
feel good how do you let your partner know this? How do you let your partner
know when something feels particularly good? Or you would like to experiment
with something new? Often, women have difficulties having an orgasm with a
partner because they are not sure how to communicate to a partner their likes
Do all your past lovers know that you have never had an orgasm? And if
so, how have the two of you tried to work on it? Often, the pressure of having
an orgasm is so great, that women (and men) find themselves telling their
partner’s that they have had an orgasm when they really didn’t just to make
the other person feel good, or stop. Unfortunately,
sometimes when partners are told about the ‘orgasm’ issue, they shut down
because they feel like you do not want them sexually (ie. You are not turned on
by them, or you would have had an orgasm).
Partners, have the unique ability of doing sexual
things to you that you could never do for yourself. Not only can they give you oral sex, while touching your
g-spot with their finger, but they can ‘keep going’ even when you might have
How good are you at being ‘selfish’ and receiving pleasure? Do you
feel like you are always needing to give? Could you comfortably have an entire
evening where you never (or almost never) touched your partner and she/he did
all the giving? Women sometimes experience difficulties with having an orgasm
because they feel uncomfortable receiving. Learning how to relax and enjoy the
moment can be difficult.
How do you know when you are relaxed? Having an orgasm is a physical
response to stimulation. Thus, if
one can learn to relax enough, your body will naturally take care of itself. To
relax some women have found that two forms of stimulation is necessary.
One of the types of stimulation is what will make you excited enough to
have an orgasm, while the other form of stimulation is designed to
‘distract’ your brain long enough to let your body take over. For example,
some women who are very uncomfortable with anal stimulation have found that anal
stimulation combined with oral sex will allow them to orgasm. Some alternative
healers recommend getting high on marijuana specifically to learn how to have an
orgasm. Marijuana, they report is operates as a relaxant.
However, with this being said, Marijuana is an illegal substance and
considered by many to be a ‘gate-way’ drug to very addictive substances.
What makes you so sure you have never had an orgasm? In my practice, I
have found that many women who initially complain that they have never had an
orgasm are indeed orgasmic. The problem is that they do not have realistic
expectations of what an orgasm is. Contrary to popular opinion, orgasms do not
always ‘rock your world’ and make you see stars.
Lastly, what will be different once you have had an orgasm? How will your
sex life be improved? What do you imagine will happen?
Once you address these specific questions, I will be
in a better position to further address your needs. There are many different
ways to approach helping women (or men) who have never had an orgasm, but before
I offer any one specific ‘treatment’ procedure, a clear understanding of
where the problem may stem from. Hope
any readers have any suggestions, tips, or tricks about ways that they either
learned how to become orgasmic, or how they taught their partners to become
orgasmic, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
How I had my first orgasm (written by a subscriber)
In regards to the article in which a fellow reader
mentioned her difficulties in having an orgasm, I would like to share how I
eventually was able to enjoy them. I started having sex about a year and a
half ago. I unfortunately had not had an orgasm until about 6 months
ago...which I was still only able to have them when I did it myself.
When I told my boyfriend that I realized I had not
had one until then, I found that he was constantly putting me first and trying
everything he could think of to get me off. Although nothing happened the
first few times, he eventually got to the point where he could do wonders for
me, but orally stimulating my clitoris while fingering both holes.
Once that got boring...I decided to figure out ways
that I could have an orgasm while we were actually having intercourse.
Although it took a while, I have found 2 positions that always work. The
first position is girl on top, leaning over enabling us to kiss one another, and
having a pillow underneath the guy’s tailbone, therefore pushing his pelvis
upwards. The second position is when again the female is on top, and the
guy is on bottom, however this time the guy is sitting in a chair, or if not, at
least sitting in that position. These positions create enough friction
between the area directly above his shaft, and the girl’s clitoris and then it
also allows him to have deeper penetration.
HTHGS: How to orgasm (written by the
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