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Orgasm
- My
girlfriend does not know if she is having an orgasm!
(Written by Yvonne Fulbright, MS.Ed.)
- Climaxing
in the missionary position (written by Yvonne Fulbright, MS.Ed.)
- Orgasm
(written
by other sexperts)
- Orgasms,
ejaculation and much much more (written
by other sexperts)
HTHGS:
My girlfriend does not know if she is having an orgasm!
(Written by Yvonne Fulbright, MS.Ed.)
Ask
Yvonne,
I have recently begun to have sexual relations with my new girlfriend. Although
I am experienced from a previous relationship, she had almost no sexual
experience before me. Our problem is that when I used my hand or mouth she
is not always sure she has orgasm. She is shy and inexperienced. I am lost on
advice; I have encouraged her to masturbate hoping that it would increase her
ability to know. Any other suggestions or ideas and how is going to know for
sure. I really like her and I just want her to be able to enjoy it as much
as I am. Please help -SG
Dear SG,
You’re right in your suggestion to encourage her to masturbate and explore her
own body and response. Many women don’t perceive their bodies’ signs of sexual
climax as being an actual orgasm. They
have different expectations regarding orgasm, and therefore, can’t identify
one when one occurs.
There are
perhaps some simple reasons why your girlfriend may not be having an orgasm, and
then there are some pretty complicated ones.
Among the ones that are going to prevent a quick fix are:
·
Negative messages about sex while growing up
·
She’s given into the pressure of engaging in sexual
behaviors before she’s ready
·
She’s repressing her sexual responses
·
Concerns of you being too focused on her
Other factors may just be affecting her at the present
time, like:
- Fatigue
- Stress
- She’s
more in her head than in the moment
- She
may need more clitoral or G-spot stimulation
In helping her realizing her orgasmic potential, suggest that
the two of you (or just she) look at erotic films or read erotic literature
together. Share sexual fantasies.
And probably your best bet: buy her a vibrator and let her explore on her
own, or show her how it’s done!
Yvonne K. Fulbright, MS.Ed.
HTHGS: Climaxing in the missionary
position (written by Yvonne Fulbright, MS.Ed.)
Ask Yvonne,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and have a sexual
relationship. He and I are intimate together whenever we are together
(which isn't a whole lot). I have a problem with climaxing when we are
engaging in sex together, mostly in the "missionary" position and
"doggy" style. Do you have any suggestions for me? Also,
he really enjoys giving me oral sex and we try to do a lot of clitoral
stimulation with that and just as I feel that I'm going to orgasm it all stops.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I am currently on the medication
EFFEXOR XR (225 mg of it in fact) and I do know that that medication has a
chance of sexual side effects, but what are those side effects? Thank you
so much for taking the time to read my letter. Sincerely, Beth
Dear Beth,
As far as I know, EFFEXOR XR causes no sexual side effects, though you should
check with your physician in case the drug is affecting you in this way.
As a sex columnist with the Washington Square News at NYU, I
regularly get questions about women having trouble obtaining orgasm.
The following was my response to one such similar inquiry…
…A number of things can be going on when a woman has
trouble attaining orgasm. Therefore,
I can only provide you with an overview of things you’ll want to research in
much more depth. First – the
basics: Every woman is different when it comes to orgasm.
There is no secret recipe that makes it happen. You have to experiment
and find out what works for you. Furthermore,
factors like fatigue, mood, energy level, partner trust, amount and type of
foreplay and stimulation, and life events can heavily impact a female’s
ability to orgasm. Now with all of
that in mind, let’s consider some things that might be going on here and ways
to help you out:
Is your partner putting pressure on you?
If so, you might be suffering from performance anxiety, the fear of
failure during sex, and are repressing your sex drive.
In having sex, fool around because it’s fun, because it feels good,
because you’re mad about each other… Don’t make orgasm the goal.
Quit thinking too much about. Simply
enjoy the moment, enjoy the sensations, and enjoy each other!
Consider your views on sex and how they’re impacting your
sexual response. Are there deeper
issues going on with the fact that you’re sexually active?
Were you raised with negative messages about sex?
Would your family be upset if they found out you’re having sex?
Do you see sex as dirty? Are
you feeling guilty for having sex? Did
your boyfriend pressure you into having sex sooner than you were comfortable?
Learn what you like, and find this out on your own time
- masturbate. Try using clitoral
stimulation, vaginal stimulation, and a combination of both.
See if you have a G-spot. Stimulate
your nipples. Fantasize.
Use a vibrator on yourself. And
when you feel ready, teach your boyfriend a thing or two about your body.
Make sure that one of you stimulates the clitoris during missionary or
doggie style.
Take your time. Quickies
are out of the question. You and
your lover need to avoid rushing. Allow yourself the time to get fully aroused.
Communicate. Tell him what feels good.
Encourage him to stimulate you a certain way. Don’t be afraid to show him how by playing with yourself.
Take charge! Try
woman on top. Not only are you able
to work your clitoris well in this position, but you may enjoy being in control,
and end up getting off on this! Try
other positions and forms of sex play where you’re the dominant partner.
Lastly, is he holding off long enough for you??
One thing that could help you would be for him to develop ejaculatory
control. The longer he can postpone his own orgasm, the better your
chances of having your own during intercourse.
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