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Past Tips |
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The
Female Orgasm
HTHGS:
Orgasms (written by Dr. Pluhar)
Ask
Erika
I have had 5 lovers and have never had an orgasm with just him. I have
tried with a vibrator and with him inside me while using the vibrator. but
I cant seem to have one with just him. what am I doing wrong. I
think that it runs in the family. I am really attracted to my partner and
very in love with him. Please return my email with an answer to this
terrible problem. My boyfriend thinks it is his problem but I have not had one
vaginally with anyone. Thanks, Ruthie
Dear Ruthie,
Thanks for your question. Having an orgasm from penile thrusting alone is
a common concern for many women. However, it's important to know that MOST
women do not orgasm just from penile thrusting and this is perfectly normal
psychologically, physically, and genetically (since you mentioned that you think
it may run in your family). Rather, the clitoris is usually involved in
orgasm, either from rubbing against a woman's partner's body during intercourse,
from hand stimulation, or from vibrator stimulation. There is not right or
"true" way to orgasm. It is a myth that an orgasm from penile
thrusting is the only "real" orgasm. All orgasms are very real
and none is better than the other. However, if you and your partner want
to experience your orgasm with him inside of you, you might try the woman-on-top
position to provide additional stimulation to your clitoris. You might
also try lying on your back and having him insert his penis while facing you and
leaning against the back of a bed, wall, couch, etc. (your legs would be
on his lap) This way you can move
to create friction on his penis and in your vagina and you can also stimulate
your clitoris with your hand, his hand, or a vibrator. Finally, know that
the way in which you orgasm is in no way related to the amount of love in your
relationship. In fact, a loving relationship in which there is open
communication is the best context within which to explore different sexual
techniques, ways of experiencing orgasm either together or alone. Best of
luck, Erika
HTHGS: Orgasm
(by Erika Pluhar)
Ask Erika,
I have a question about sex for you. Me and my girlfriend have been having
sex for a while now and I can't get her to have an orgasm with me being inside
of her. I can however give her an orgasm with my hand by rubbing her but
not while actually having sex. It's been really bugging me because I
shouldn't be the only one having an orgasm during the actual sexual intercourse.
Now I heard, but I’m not sure that their are two separate things inside of a
female and if you go into the wrong area she won't be able to have an orgasm.
I don't know if that is true or not and I feel like I’m doing something wrong.
I hope that you can help me. Thanks a lot, I hope to hear from you soon
Dear Ron,
Thank you for your question. First of all, it's perfectly normal that your
girlfriend doesn't experience orgasm from your penile thrusting alone. In
fact, many women need clitoral stimulation alone or in addition to vaginal
stimulation to have an orgasm. So, rest assured that neither of you are
doing anything wrong. There are some positions you can try that will
increase clitoral friction. The woman-on-top position allows her pelvic
area to push against your's and gives her control over the speed, motion, etc.
This may make her more likely to orgasm with you inside of her. You may
also try a position in which you are both lying on your sides, leaving hands
free to stimulate the clitoris. You might also try adding a vibrator
during sex, so that she can stimulate herself while you thrust. The most
important thing is that you recognize that you're not doing anything wrong.
Just keep communication about what feels good open and broaden your perspective
on what is pleasurable. We live in a society that is very goal-oriented
about sex--if both people don't experience mutual, multiple, simultaneous
orgasms during intercourse, it's almost as if we've failed. But it doesn't have
to be that way. The best thing about sex is that there isn't one right way
to do it. Everybody has things that feel better to them than others;
remember, the brain is ultimately our biggest sex organ so use your
imagination!!
As for your question
about two separate things inside a female, I think you are referring to the
g-spot. On the front wall of the vagina, about two inches in, is some
spongy tissue. In some women, this spot can become very sensitive when
sexually aroused and stimulated by a finger, penis, or other object. Some
women can rub the g-spot and experience orgasm (either with or without clitoral
stimulation). Some women even experience ejaculation from g-spot
stimulation (it looks like urine but it isn't). Remember, though, that the
g-spot does not have the same sensitivity in all women and some women may not
feel like they have a sensitive spot there at all. For these women, the
clitoris is the most important spot for pleasure. The best approach is to
ask your woman and find out what feels good for her! I hope this helps, Erika
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