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Sex Tips         

  1. Locating the g-spot
  2. The female breast
  3. Tips for giving better fellatio (better head)
  4. Sexual positions for the pregnant woman
  5. Anti-depressants & Sex

LOCATING THE G-SPOT:

Place your index finger into the vagina and touch the anterior wall. It is approximately a finger length up. Many women like having the person touching them use their index finger to place some pressure on the wall. Try making the 'come here motion' with your index finger. Allow the tip of your finger to tap on the anterior vaginal wall. Let her level of excitement guide your movements. Talk with her, and ask her how different forms of touch feel. Some women may not like the feeling of being touched there and may even find it painful. Another way to tell if you are indeed touching her g-spot is that there will be a change in texture. The g-spot area will feel fleshy, like a small area of wrinkled skin. In contrast, the surrounding area will feel taut. The shape of the g-spot is similar to an upright kidney bean. In addition to touching her g-spot with your index finger, I would strongly encourage you to use your tongue (remember all those tongue exercises!) and stimulate her clitoris, inner & outer lips. The combination of fellatio (oral sex) with g-spot stimulation is enough to make most women become extremely excited.

For the super adventurous couple, after having successfully located the g-spot and developed a beginning level of comfort you are ready to move on to part two. Most people have never progressed this far. What you are about to embark upon new territory. Be prepared to experience a totally new feeling. The partner, instead of using his/her index finger to locate the g-spot will now use their index finger and thumb to pull up some tissue from the vaginal walls and rub it between her/his finger and thumb. Before doing this, practice this technique by VERY LIGHTLY pinching some skin together. This is what you are doing with the vaginal wall. To do this, you must be EXTREMELY soft and gentle. The vaginal walls are extremely sensitive. It is better to err on too soft than too hard. Most women will never have felt this sensation before. This is something just different feeling. There is no other way to describe it. As you touch her vaginal walls, always give her two different forms of touch and ask her which one she likes better. Good luck.

The Female Breast

In the US, people seem obsessed with the female breast size. It seems as if breasts are idealized and large breasts are better. In fact, small breasts and large breasts have the same number of nerve endings. Thus, the woman with smaller breasts may experience increased sensations per touch. This results, from a condensed amount of nerve endings. All breast respond with time; (lovers, go slow, take your time and slowly fondle the breast. Areas that are especially sensitive to touch include the nipple, and the areola (the pinkish area that directly surrounds the nipple). Begin at the bottom of the breast, with the tips of your fingers slowly graze her skin. In long circular motions begin to use your fingers to circle her breast, spiraling inward. For every two movements towards the center of her breasts, the nipple, take one small move-outwards. This should begin to drive her wild. She may even want to grasp your hand and place it directly on her nipples. Do not let her do this. Continue slow movements towards her nipple while taking your time. She is not going anywhere. Tease her. As you begin to reach the center, take your other hand and start the ascent with her other breast all over again. This whole process should take about 15 minutes. Next wet the tip of your finger and slowly touch the top of her nipple. Then, very lightly take your finger tips and squeeze them together over the nipple and slowly bring your mouth down on them . . .

Tips for Better Fellatio (blow job / giving head)

Giving good fellatio can be much more complex than simply bobbing ones head up and down. Variations:

  1. Irrumination: Your mouth is a mere receptacle to his penis thrusts.
  2. Your mouth is active . . . seeks out the most sensitive spot [ (gland, head of the penis, coronal ridge (around the base of the glands), raphe (the line running down the underside of the penis) ]
  3. Change speeds
  4. Change the degree of sucking (hard to soft)
  5. Use your hand and mouth simultaneously (hand job / blow job at the same time)
  6. Change his position (sitting, standing, lying down)
  7. Vary the location (in a closet, while he is talking on the telephone, in a classroom, in the kitchen, outside, under the bed)
  8. Deep throat: even though this is not a fancy technique, many people have difficulties doing this. Take in as much of his penis at one time as possible.

 

Sexual Positions *For the pregnant woman* Part 10 of 10

This position, side-by-side is recommended for the person who is pregnant, or the couple who is sick of fighting about whose turn it is to go on top or bottom. In this position, the couple spoons together. This position can be very intimate. Many people report that it is natural feeling to hug the other person and feel protected. In fact, some people find this position so relaxing that after intercourse, they fall asleep in this position. Ok, but how does this position actually work? Generally, the person with a dildo/penis is in back, but it could be done the other way around. When the woman is in front, to make her vagina easily accessible for penetration should tilt her pelvis back and stomach forward. The person from behind slides his penis/dildo in from behind. This, position is like the doggie-styled position, except that both people are lying down.

 

Anti-depressants & Sex

Ask Alex,  I hope you can help me, I do not know where else to go with this question. I am a 29 year old, lesbian, African-American woman who was diagnosed with depression in 1989. At the time, I refused medication. In 1991, I attempted suicide by slashing my wrists. Immediately thereafter, I began taking anti-depressants. I felt much better because the fog that I had been living in had lifted. I felt whole again. In 1994, I stopped taking medication because I did lot like the idea of being dependent on a chemical. Three months ago, I tried to kill myself again and was re-hospitalized. I am ok. Pearl, my girlfriend still wants to marry me, and I have come to realize that I have a chemical imbalance. Without medication, I become suicidal. If I take the prescribed 80mg of Prozac a day, for the rest of my life I will be fine. The problem that I now am experiencing is an unsatisfactory sex life with Pearl, the woman of my dreams. I stopped being able to orgasm. Could this be my body's way of telling me something is wrong. Now that I am well (not depressed), could I be realizing this is not the appropriate woman for me. Maybe she was part of my sickness. She and I have talked about this and we are both heartbroken. What should I do? In case you are wondering, up until the age of 21, I was very sexually active, and had GREAT orgasms. In fact, the only time I felt truly out of the fog was during a good multi-orgasm. For this reason, I loved sex. Then when I was 27 I met Pearl, and we immediately hit it off. We connect on a sexual level and an emotional level. When we were together, we were strong. I felt like I had found my missing piece. During the past three months, since my recent experience in the hospital, our sex life has deteriorated. I no longer orgasm and I do not feel connected with her on an intimate level. I feel disengaged and uninterested. As much as I love her, I do not know if I am prepared to lose the one part of me that has always been alive, my sexuality. I am at a loss. What should I do? Anorgasmic,

Dear Anorgasmic, A change in sexual connection may signify something is amiss. It must be tough to feel alone in making your decision between the love of your life, Pearl, or your sexuality. Before you make any decisions, it is critical that you gain as much insight into all the factors, contributing to your situation, so that you will be in the position of being able to make a better choice.

First of all, some medication may have a negative impact on sexuality. In fact, your change in sexual functioning seems to correlate with your usage of Prozac (Fluoxetine). One of the common side effects in females of this anti-depressant medication is decreased sexual desire, orgasmic inhibitions and anorgasmia. Indirect sexual side effects include constipation, upset stomach and indigestion, anxiety, detachment, fatigue, sedation, sleep disturbances and dizziness (Crenshaw & Goldberg, 1996).

Prozac works by a process of selective serotonin re-uptake inhibition. In other words, it blocks the chemical that speeds up the nerve impulses. Prozac has a direct impact on sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm by increasing the hormone, cortisol, which comes from the adrenal gland. Also it in increases the prolactin and serotonin (%-HT) and the opiates. Opiates function like a morphine stimulant (Crenshaw & Goldberg, 1996).

I am wondering if it might be the Prozac that you are taking, to decrease your suicidal ideations, which has caused you to experience the following problems: a decrease in libido, an inability to orgasm, a feeling of de-attachment, restless sleep and an upset stomach. In general, when prescribing this medication, doctors attempt to minimize the negative side effects for each individual by taking a thorough psychosocial, medical and sexual history. Based on the person's history, the actual dosage and choice of medication will be determined. Sexual contra-indications of this medication include pre-existing sex drive disorders and anorgasmia.

Before deciding that your partner is responsible for the change in your sexual desire, schedule a follow-up visit with your doctor to discuss the sexual problems that you are having. She/he will be able to further help you track the changes, which you have experienced. Based on your symptoms she/he may prescribe a different anti-depressant, which for many patients alleviates the negative sexual-side effects. Medications usually suggested include Wellbutrin (Bupropin), Serzone (Nefazodone) and/or Desyrel (Trazodone). Some people have found that if they take the Prozac every other day, their sex drive resumes to relatively normal levels. Due to the time that Prozac remains in your system, you would still be receiving most of the positive benefits from the medication. However, some individuals can not tolerate this well. Thus, if you plan on experimenting with the medication dosage, you must first consult your doctor. Never alter your medication without her/his knowledge.

If, after having ruled out medication as being the culprit for the change in sexual satisfaction, I strongly encourage you to go to a therapist, with a specialty in sexuality and request couples therapy. Please note, it is important to choose to a therapist who is actively pro-lesbian because many are homophobic, which could impede your treatment. The sexual problems may be a reflection of the level of dependency that you and your partner seem to have on one another. In any event, your sex therapist could help the two of you make a more informed choice about what to do. Right now, it seems as if there are more unanswered questions than answers to this problem. With the help of a therapist, you will gain a deeper sense of what the issues are and how to figure out what to do.  Alex

Bibliography

Crenshaw, T.& Goldberg, J. (1996). Sexual Pharmacology. New York City: W.W. Norton & Company, Inc.

 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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September 6, 2006