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Past Tips


(written by subscribers)

  • Gushing Female Orgasm – written by a subscriber,

  • How to orgasm - written by subscribers

  • How to make a woman orgasm (written by James,a subscriber)

  • Orgasm - written by Alex Robboy & other sexperts

HTHGS: Gushing Female Orgasm – written by a subscriber,

Letter to the editor, 
Alex, as a new subscriber to Howtohavegoodsex I would like to pass on a tip I have found effective for a gushing female orgasm. First off let me begin with the fact that I am a male, mid 30's. What I have found with my wife, recently, is a man needs to learn to take time and softness to help create an unbelievable female climax.  For instance, men, kiss and lightly caress your loving partner. Caress her entire body with the tips of your fingers. As you caress, occasionally highlight the erogenous zones. All the while kiss her lightly wherever on her body comes to mind. Take some sufficient time in doing this as this heightens the total experience for both of you. (You may learn this excites you too!) After you have spent time doing this slowly incorporate the clitoris area. Caress the outer and inner labia softly. Gently glide your fingers into the vagina as this will already be naturally lubricated and her senses will be running wild. (Remember to butterfly kiss areas that both of you like while doing this!) Slowly remove your fingers, which will now undoubtedly be lubricated, and softly massage the very tip of the clitoris. Gently move around the body of the clit and softly vibrate and massage the clitoris area. You should know your partner well enough to know when she is close to climax. When she is close stop your clitoral stimulation and glide your fingers back into her vagina. This will give her a sort of roller-coaster ride to an ultimate tummy turning drop. Again slowly remove your fingers (which will be very lubricated by now) repeat clitoral stimulation as described above (do the previous step as much or as little as she can succumb to) which hopefully will bring her to a vocal, as well, as fulfilling ultimate climax. And men, please remember every woman is different. Communicate with each other while you are doing this. Listen to what she is telling you and be attentive to her body language and vocal moans. These non-verbal communications will tell you more than the spoken word ever could.     

HTHGS: How to have an orgasm (written by subscribers)

Letter to the editor,
A few ways I find it easy to have any orgasm is by a) doing it doggy-style and the guy using his fingers to stimulate your clitoris, b) doing it missionary and keeping your legs together as much as you can and contracting the muscles so you are tighter, and c: I know not every guy is all about getting their tongue pierced but, for those who are willing it's very pleasurable for a guy to give you oral sex w/his tongue pierced if he knows how to use it correctly ( also at certain places that cell tongue rings, there is a little balled toy you can attach to the top of your tongue ring which feels awesome!). So there are some tips I can give, also women should start doing yoga and increase their flexibility, it can sometime increase pleasure when you are more flexible for different positions.

Letter to the editor,
I never used to be orgasmic at all with the two partners that I had. I had I simply faked it. I had never had an orgasm with a man then. But then I found my current partner, and fell in love. Not what I thought was love before, but real love, and he actually cared about me and wanted me to have an orgasm and you know what, the very first time we made love, I did. It was amazing and I realized my problem before was that I was never relaxed and never really had strong enough feelings for them. All I can really say is make sure you really are truly in love with them before you go on the search for an orgasm. I also found that being on top and moving myself gave me an orgasm. I do not want this to be too long but even though moving myself, I did orgasm. I could never orgasm with just my boyfriend doing the work. Then, something happened. I do not know what, I think I just learned to relax even more, and now I can orgasm whenever I want! So all I can say is relax, then relax some more!

Letter to the editor,
In response to those women who are having trouble with finding a way to orgasm, I decided to write about my methods.  The first time I had an orgasm was in the shower.  It may sound a little strange but it sure works!  And it is really easy because all you need is running water.  All you have to do is turn the faucet for a stream of nice warm water, do not make the stream too hard though, then lay back in your bath tub, spread your legs and put them on the sides of the bath so that the water is running between your legs, and let the water feel your vagina, your clit, and your lips.  Just relax and enjoy, and never stress about having an orgasm, you have all the time you want.  The first few times it took me quite a while to orgasm but after a while it became a lot easier.  When having sex with my boyfriend the best way to orgasm is in the position when he is sitting up on a couch and I am sitting on top of him facing him (lap dance position).  What you need is time and to move the way you want to move in order to really find that special spot and to stimulate it.  If he is about to come, and I haven't come yet, he just says "wait" or lightly pinches my sides to make me stop moving for a few seconds to delay his orgasm.  Again your partner's attention is really important for this matter.  One of the most important things is to find out where you like to be stimulated the best and this can be done if you do it yourself first of all.  After you find it, tell your partner about it and tell him you need his help as described above.  You want to make sure he doesn't think it is his fault you do not orgasm.  This way you will be able to relax a lot more because you need to relax.  I hope this helps.  Share your experiences after this and if you have any other questions just post it because I always read these letters. Julie.

Letter to the editor,
I have a suggestion. I tried positioning myself under the faucet in my bathtub. I let the water pressure hit my clitoris and about 5 seconds later orgasm was achieved. In fact I had multiple orgasms. I made myself comfortable by laying a couple of towels in the tub to soften it up and to eliminate the coldness of the tub. I had always tried stimulating myself vaginally not knowing any better. Now that I know my own secret spot orgasm is pretty easy. I even bought a clitoral stimulating vibrator that is powerful and it works too. Maybe she just needs to find her spot too.

Letter to the editor,
My partner suggested a new way to stimulate her that I thought other women might enjoy French kissing, but not on the mouth. Spread your partner’s legs apart and begin by tracing the clitoris with your tongue. After a few times around, begin to French kiss it as if you were doing it to the mouth.
Sincerely, MrCupid

Letter to the editor,
I have a few tips. What really helped me to get relaxed and have great orgasms was having what me and my fiancé call "build up" for my build up he'll slowly caress my body, suck on my nipples, ears and anything else that gets me excited, then when I feel I cant take it anymore, we either have sex, or he uses his fingers and/or tongue (whatever I'm in the mood for) and I have wonderful orgasms. Some women do not know what orgasms are like.  Some orgasms are just a gush of liquid from the vagina, while others really are mind blowing and you shake and convulse while your vagina spasms, these spasms are different for every women, some are not very powerful at all, while others leave you in awe and satisfaction. And still I've heard of women who cant achieve orgasm at all unless the clit is directly stimulated. We're all different ;) I'd suggest masturbation that also helped me to let my partner know what I liked.  Try different things, be a bit creative and have fun. Don't focus on having an orgasm, but focus your mind on the pleasure that's given to your body, and eventually orgasm will come on its own. I hope this has helped. Tracey

Letter to the editor,
I am responding about the reader who couldn't orgasm. I actually own an adult in-home party plan I have tried out MANY vibes. While they work great for orgasms by clitoral stimulation, it still didn't help with orgasm while having intercourse.

  I had never had an orgasm until I met my husband. Mainly because all the other guys wanted to be on top. I was and still have never had an orgasm by being on bottom. Here are some positions that have allowed me to orgasm. Be sure she is on top. I am in control more this way and if something feels good, I can keep in the position instead of him accidentally moving or losing the rhythm. I always orgasm if I am on top.

Another good position is to be on top. Have him lay normal. With him inside you, because it is easier if he is already in, start moving your body towards the side so that you are almost in an 'X" shape. This really helps with orgasms too. Thanks, Michelle

Letter to the editor,
In response to your answer to the 28 year old female who couldn't have an orgasm, I feel you really didn't help her out.  And asking her all those questions about it being really important to climax, it's every person's right to get satisfaction!  By not climaxing it can make someone feel less of a lover, frustrated, less of a woman, and lead you to believe that something's wrong with you.  Not to mention jealous of other females who have no problem climaxing.  Though connection in relationships should not solely fall on orgasm, being able to give your partner an orgasm strengthens that bond.  It's the ultimate gift a person can give you.  Orgasm is supposed to relieve you of stress and tension as well, so maybe if we all were able to orgasm we'd have a happier world.  I know I wouldn't be so snappish, frustrated or moody if I could have an orgasm.  I also know my partner and I would get along a whole lot better if I were able to orgasm.  Some females harbor unconscious anger against their partner, subconsciously blaming them for their inability to orgasm.

I have never been able to have an orgasm, although being told to relax and communicate are good suggestions, but unfortunately that's not all it seems to take for me.  No matter how good the communication is, and how much I relax, I still can't reach orgasm.  I feel the climbing sensations some of the time, but fail to peak.  Instead I just stay at a high level of excitement (which feels that if I could get more excited and reach that next never obtaining stage, I might be able to orgasm), and instead of peaking, it goes no further and starts to decline until I grow bored of it.  And yes, it even happens when I masturbate as well. I wasn't sexually abused or raped, or brought up to believe that bodies are ugly and sex is bad.  I had a healthy sexual education from school, my parents and the books I've taken it upon myself to read.  I am very knowledgeable in this field, and have read several books having to do with masturbation and inability to orgasm. I fear I have female sexual dysfunction, but find it hard to gain literature on how to treat this. 

In addition, this woman's question was if there were able herbal remedies available, and all you suggested was marijuana.  I was looking forward to hearing, which herbs would be good for arousal, etc. when I read her question, but was disappointed when I read your response.  There's a herb concoction in health stores called Lady Vigor, which is supposed to help.  I haven't tried it myself yet, as it is a little pricey, but it's supposed to give you more energy and increase blood flow.  Crystal  

Letter to the editor,
When having sex with my woman I like to give her more stimulation in the missionary position by spreading my legs wide and rubbing my pubes against my partners clitoris. She loves it. Rick

Letter to the editor,
Hi! In response to your woman having trouble having an orgasm. I have found with my lover that if you have him get on top of you with his hands pushing himself off of you and reach your fingers down to your lower "lips" and spread them, while he is penetrating you. It is unbelievable how much sensation both of you feel and you are guaranteed an orgasm!!!! Having an in Minnesota

Letter to the editor,
I am writing in response to the woman who is self conscious about her body during sex.  If you do not like your pubic hair the way it is. Shaving would be a good idea.  But do not use soap in doing so, use women's shave cream and a nice sharp razor. But before you shave, take a mirror and either sit on the edge of the tub or the toilet and with a mirror, trim your pubic hair with scissors then when it's as short as you can get it, shave the rest off, or leave a bit of a patch, you can also shave your anus as well, most women can reach their own to do so and when you're finished, do not put lotion on your freshly shaved vagina, then it will be too moist and could cause a rash, which is very painful on the pink parts, use some medicated powder, this will soothe your skin and it will odorize it as well.  If you're worried about the smell, eat some fruit daily and that may help the smell, what we eat really determines how we'll taste or smell.  Pineapple juice is good too, because it goes straight through your system and will make your juices taste and smell better the same day you drink it. 

 Having troubling relaxing during sex, have your partner give you a long massage first, with candle light and some scented oil, that'll not only relax you but it'll leave your body fragrant and soft.

 As was suggested do not concentrate on yourself, concentrate on the feelings your partner is giving you and if you find something that gets you even more aroused than just his touch, do that as he gives you attention. Me, as my partner is giving me oral sex, I sway my hips back and forth and that seems to excite me even more.

 If your only concern is your pubic hair and the smell, try the things I suggested, I guarantee they will help with the appearance and the smell - Hope that helps - Tracey

 Letter to the editor,
This in response to the letter that Angie had written to you.  She mentioned in her letter that she had never had an orgasm and that she had tried everything.  I found the way that brings me to an orgasm every time.  When I have the house alone I go into the bath room and start a shower.  (Making sure the water is not hot but just kinda warm - you'll find the temp that you like best.)  I use a shower head that has a long hose that you can take off of the wall.  I lay down in the tub and let the water hit my clitoris - sometimes I use my waterproof vibrator in the along with the water stimulation.  It took me a while to get 'the spot' that felt the best to me.  It takes me about 15 min of 'having fun in the shower' before I have an orgasm.  Hope this information helps someone out there. Sincerely, Wet-n-Wild in Texas




HTHGS: How to make woman have an orgasm (written by the subscriber James)


Letter to the editor,
My name is James.  I did not find this tip on your site (but I did not search for much time), so I thought I would send a little tip I have found out about giving a female an orgasm.  I know that I am under 18, so this feels awkward for me sending this, but the following suggestion(s) works wonders on certain girls.  Of course, each girl is different, so this probably does not work on some.  Anyway, here it goes!

First, get her excited.  Foreplay, I guess (never had intercourse) would work or perhaps only kissing or touching her breasts will do it.  When she is obviously sexually excited, just run your hand down her stomach and VERY lightly touch between her legs, run your hand slowly and gently along her inner thighs.  Make sure to run across her outer lips gently as well.  If you do that long enough, and almost tease her, she can orgasm with only that.  Of course, that does not mean you need to stop, but if you want she will still be happy.

Continue to tease or touch her skin lightly before gently slipping your finger inside.  I have found that only using one at first works, and later moving to two (or whatever the particular girl likes) is fine.  But with the one finger (either index or middle), you can find the g-spot (which I did find on this site) or something that I call the "X-0 Technique" (this is the part I did not find).  Pretty self-explanatory, just move your finger, fully extended without curling or bending, to make imaginary patterns in the shape of 'x' and 'o'.  It works at whatever speed she seems to like.  Change it up, or keep doing xxxxx, oooooo.  Whatever. The fun part about it all is experimenting.

Luckily, my girlfriend and I (being so young) are curious about sexuality and talk about it.  If it was not for that, I do not think I would have ever experienced any of the things I have mentioned.  I think that is the key to any sexual relationship: communication.  Talk about what she likes.  Ask her questions.  Talk about what you like.  Shoot, tell her your fantasy.  She may be disgusted at first, but will most likely forgive you later.  If she does not like it, simply don't mention it again and keep it to yourself.  I know that this is all coming from a 17 year old, so take it or leave it.  Hope this helps at all and I appreciate a website like this for all those teenagers who are just curious about things they have yet to discover or experience in life! Thanks, James




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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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September 19, 2006