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HTHGS: How to turn a guy on before having sex (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
Please help what are some ways you can turn a guy on before having sex.

Dear please help,
There about as many ways to turn a guy on before sex as there are guys in this world.  There are also many stereotypes about men being turned on by just about anything! We are not going to speculate on that, but we have some general ideas for you that may help. The seduction phase of arousal can be a wonderful and rich part of sex. The key will be doing things or acting in ways that you feel comfortable with and that it is a turn-on for him (and you!).  Things like massage, erotic talk, and sexy outfits have been staples in seduction for centuries.  What turns you on?  Can you use yourself as a resource to figure out what may turn him on?   For example most of us enjoy great eye contact and focused attention to help us feel ďspecialĒ and desired.  One thing that people sometimes forget is that it is a turn-on to see your partner enjoying themselves.  What we mean is that if he can tell that you are ďinto itĒ and that it gives you pleasure there is a certain likelihood that it may excite him as well.  If he can see that you are really enjoying yourself it may be quite the aphrodisiac. So ≠ make sure to remember your own needs and desires in this process.  Shan & Claude

HTHGS: Stimulation (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
Please let me start out by saying what a wonderful newsletter this has become for the past year that I've been reading it! I've told most of my girlfriends about it (both virgins and non's) and it has helped us out a lot.

Anyways, I've been reading this new letter since I was 15/16, thinking it would ready me for having sex with my current boyfriend at that time. But I never did because some of the letters are moving and you guys seem to really care, which made me care about giving my virginity to the right person.

Anyways, sorry about the rambling! =) I'm 18 now and I'm proud to say I'm a virgin still. But I guess I'm exploring my sexuality a lot more cause there much more talk about it now a days. But I think I'm seriously broken when it come to simulation! I don't get pleasure what so ever from myself! I've tried things to put me into the mood, but I just get turned off. My boyfriend turns me on so much, and I love him to death, but I donít get any real pleasurable feeling when he performs oral sex or fingers me. We thought maybe something thicker and longer would suffice, but I'm not "oh-so-ready" for sex intercourse. Would it be safe for me to use a vibrator? Or do I have to be de-virgin-ized? I've been to the GYN, but they weren't any help because Iím still a virgin. I hope my letter makes sense to you guys. I'm just a little confused I guess?? Thanks in Advance! 0_o?? In the dark

Dear O_o?? In the dark,
We all have many mechanisms that we use to turn ourselves off and to stop us from thinking about sex.  We all are taught that to live in a civilized society and to get through the day we must all turn ourselves off to every temptation and every gorgeous person or thing or picture that we see.  We believe that we should actually practice being turned on these days!  When you see something that excites you or that is pleasing let yourself experience it ≠ allow yourself to get wet or even just smile over something sexy!  Learn to appreciate being excited.

 By the way donít do anything that you are not ready for!  If his oral sex and fingering isnít pleasurable ≠ what makes you think that intercourse with him will please you?  Anyway, spend some quality time with yourself and try to find pleasure in your body.  Try to feel how good it feels when you comb you hair, or when you touch your inner thighs.  Of course you will want to stimulate your clitoris ≠ but remember you have other parts of your body that may give you pleasure as well.  You are NOT broken ≠ you can experience pleasure!  We are sure of it.  We are granting you permission right now ≠ to enjoy yourself and to enjoy your partner!  Using a vibrator could be a wonderful way to explore pleasure!  You do not have to put the vibrator inside yourself ≠ if you are concerned with virginity or similar issues.  Most women vibrate their clits, which is outside the vagina.  We highly recommend that you find your pleasures before you proceed to intercourse because if you just go for intercourse you may discover that it hasnít done anything to make you experience pleasure.  Does that make sense?  We think we understand where you are coming from.  We hope you find your pleasure ≠ just dedicate some time and energy to it and have fun ≠ celebrate yourself!  Just donít jump ahead to intercourse hoping to find pleasure there or you may be disappointed. Find it first and then experience intercourse later. You have time and should be comfortable. Shan & Claude

 

 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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