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Clitoral Stimulation

               ****  The Art of Fingering ****    

      The most common misconception about fingering, is that the giver assumes the "in-out" action is pleasurable.  The most pleasant sensation is derived from applying pressure to the vaginal walls; particularly the G-spot.  Ask any woman if she'd prefer her lover to have a moderately thick cock, or a long thin one.  99.9% of the time, she'll opt for Stubby.  (If we wanted our cervix poked, we'd go to the gyno.)

       In fact, the in-out motion of a finger can become more irritating than anything.  The vaginal lips are pretty sensitive, and repeat friction begins to chafe.  Yes, really.

       ( Of course, fingering should occur after sufficient foreplay.   There's nothing worse than some moron shoving his pointer finger up your dry pussy and poking you into submission.  So guys, when your hands wander between her legs and you realize that there's more moisture in the Sahara, take the hint. )

        Ok! She's wet! She's squirming! What now??

       The typical woman prefers to be penetrated with 2 fingers.  One is not enough (unless she is a virgin, or otherwise very tiny down there) and three is too much.  Of course, use your discretion and listen to her response.  You should be able to tell the difference between an uncomfortable-moan and a pleasure-moan.  And if you cant, you should not be having sex.

        Slide your fingers slowly between her lips, and let yourself explore a little bit to find your bearings.  If she is aroused, you should be able to feel a rough, spongy spot on the roof of her vaginal wall.  Push on it.  (Yes) You should be moving your fingers in a "come here" type of motion.  Check your partners response to different pressures, and adjust to what makes her squeal.

   ** Inexperienced women might relate this new sensation to having to pee.  Reassure her that she wont, unless of course she guzzled a 12 pack before you got intimate. **

       Don not bother moving your finger in and out to simulate sex.  She will most likely be in absolute erotic bliss just by having her g-spot pressed.  Change the pace of the 'pressing' and note her reaction.  Does she want it fast and hard or slow and easy?  If you cant tell, ask her.  We'd prefer to hear our lover say, "How do you want it, baby?" than lay there unsatisfied and frustrated.  (Think about hand jobs and how annoying it is when you're being stroked slowly and delicately when you really want to be pumped like a SuperSoaker.  See my point?)


     If you really want to get fancy, place your thumb on her clit while you press her g-spot. Even just letting it rest there feels good.  (The clit is that little pink bump at the top of her pussy. Believe it or not, that would have turned into a penis had she a Y-chromosome. )

 Your girl wont cum from this, but who cares?  Most of the other women I've talked to agree with me when I say the shocking "flickers" of intense pleasure they experience are better than an orgasm anyway.  The only problem is that there is no release at the end.  But really, it's sexy, erotic and safe...and a great prelude to other activities that CAN bring her to orgasm, if that's what she craves...         Have fun!     Erica


HTHGS: Letter to the editor,

RE: The Art of Fingering ,
Erika, i have to thank you for that wonderful email. Thankfully, ive had oneboyfriend who knew almost everything that you wrote, but i know that 99% of men out there have no clue. I cant tell you how many times ive heard men say that they need to do something to lengthen their penis; my eyes start rolling right away, because i realize that they have no idea what women like.  I emailed your article to every single person i knew (both man and woman), and i printed out copies to take to work, and the women were snatching them from me like crazy... talk about a cat fight! Again, thank you so much for writing that! I know you will be responsible for many an orgasm!  - Mizeh




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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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September 19, 2006