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          Oral Sex

HTHGS: Tips for the woman receiving Cunnilingus
Throughout the entire time that you are receiving cunnilingus focus squeezing your PC muscles and keeping your legs flexed. Squeezing your PC muscles will help you keep your mind focused on the genital sensations that you are feeling (and of course enhancing them by adding your own special form of self-touch). Flexing your legs will force you to tilt your pelvis forward, which generally enhances the position that you are in to receive better oral stimulation. Do not ask me for details on this one. I could not tell you exactly why the leg flexing works, I just know that most of my clients and even friends report that it enhances their sexual pleasuring.

Cunnilingus

Many novices begin cunnilingus (oral sex) by spreading the woman's legs apart and putting their mouth on her genitals. They then begin licking, sucking and nibbling the various parts of her vulva. The only technique used is one of pure luck. Whatever gets touched, gets touched. Unfortunately for the woman receiving the stimulation, what often gets overlooked is the actual way the tongue is being used to arouse her. The partner often is so focused on covering all the genital parts and exploring that she/he forgets that it is not only what is being touched, but the way it is being touched that is critical. Thus, to begin any kind of detailed discussion on cunnilingus requires a discussion on tongue usage. There are six primary types of tongue positions. Each tongue position has its own unique role in the art of love making, and of course, its own special exercise program to strengthen not only the tongue muscles, but a person's voluntary control over its usage.

The next time that you are engaging in cunnilingus, pay attention to the way that you use your tongue. Try to determine which category of tongue technique you usually find yourself using. Why is that? Was that a conscious choice? Did your partner tell you that she likes it better that way, or this way? The next time that the two of you are together, try switching your tongue positions and see how that influences her reaction to your forms of touch.

The six primary types of tongue positions used in cunnilingus are the following:

*The sharp, wide tongue: To achieve this position, stick your tongue as far out of your mouth as possible, then try to touch your nose. Once you are in this position, hold the same muscle groups still and begin moving your tongue around. Practice five sets of three, moving the tongue first in circular motions, then up and down.

*The sharp, round tongue: To achieve this position, point your tongue while simultaneously trying to make the top of your tongue touch the roof of your mouth and the bottom of your tongue touch the bottom of your mouth. Once you are in this position, practice moving your tongue in and out of your mouth while keeping the tongue hard and round. For the more advanced student, try keeping your mouth closed and circling your tongue around inside of it, while of course, maintaining position.

*Flat, soft, wide tongue: To achieve this position, flatten your tongue in your mouth. Try to make your tongue rest gently on the bottom teeth. Once you have accomplished this, slowly, while holding the position, move your tongue outside the mouth. Practice curling the wide tip of the tongue upward, downward and side to side. This too, practice for five sets of three, while holding each move for 2 seconds.

*Flat, hard, wide tongue: To achieve this position, flatten your tongue in your mouth. Cover all your bottom teeth with your mouth. Using some force, try to explode your tongue in all the side positions. Using all the muscles in your tongue, try to move your tongue around. Move it both in and out of your mouth, while maintaining the position of evenly wide and hard.

*Upside down tongue: To achieve this position, turn your tongue upside down in your mouth. Then try sticking it outside of your mouth, all the while maintaining the position.

*Side curled tongue: To achieve this position, curl the two sides of your tongue until the two sides of your tongue touch each other. Then stick your tongue outside of your mouth. While maintaining position, practice circling your tongue clockwise and counter-clockwise. For the more advanced tongue student, try combining tongue positions. See if you can create some other ones that have not been included in this e-mail.

Take each tongue position (The sharp wide tongue, The sharp round tongue, Flat soft wide tongue, Flat hard wide tongue, Upside down tongue, Side curled tongue) and begin generically touching each part of your partner's vulva. This is actually harder than it sounds. Most often people find themselves forgetting to stay true to form and loosen up. This will not do. You must hold the position. Many people find that doing the tongue exercises, mentioned in the previous tips while touching a particular part of her vulva extremely helpful. As you go, as her if she likes choice A or choice B better. This will guide you to discover your partners likes and dislikes.

* Some people report that using flavored oils on your partner's vulva while doing these exercises can be especially rewarding for a hard workout well done!

Please note that while using your tongue to touch your own arm or your partner's vulva that your tongue may soon feel dry. This frequently happens and in fact, tongue position often is irrelevant. All six positions will have minimal influence on this situation (Sharp wide tongue/Sharp round tongue / Flat, soft wide tongue / Flat, hard wide tongue /Upside down tongue / Side curled tongue). However, there is a simple technique that you can use to eliminate this situation. Begin the lick with the tip of your tongue being moist/slightly wet from your own saliva.

After a few minutes of touching either yourself or your partner, your mouth will naturally start producing saliva. The key thing here, is to always keep your tongue moist, without drooling. I highly recommend practicing on the different amounts of saliva necessary on your own arm first. One of the worst things is for a partner to play to rough on the genital area. Lubrication helps things continue to feel smooth. If you are having difficulty balancing the art of salivating but not drooling, try buying some flavored oils. One of the brands which is useful is called Hot Stuff. It comes in all flavors. This way, the vagina not only tastes like strawberries, or whatever flavor you choose, but there is enough lubrication that neither one of you need to worry about your tongue sticking.

Some women report that their favorite position for oral sex is to have their legs spread open with their partner kneeling in front of them. Others state that they are most excited when they are sitting on a table top, slightly slouched with their partner just barely reaching genital level. Furthermore, some women go crazy for the combination of sex toys with oral sex. This way they can receive multiple forms of stimulation all at the same time. Either way, I highly recommend experimentation using as many different creative positions imaginable to help increase not only your knowledge of how various positions influence each of your styles, but to spice things up a bit. Good sex involves a sense of pattern, often coming from an awareness of what turns your partner on, but a willingness to expand your brain to try something new that you haven't done in quite the same way before.

Now that the two of you are in position and are all ready to begin, you, the giver, will need to determine which of two extremes you would like to begin with. One is slow, geared to making your partner scream with impatience as you slowly tease her (i.e., touching everything but her vulva). This means spending an extra long time kissing, licking and nibbling her inner thighs, while slowly working your way up to where her legs meet. The other way is one of urgency. You need to touch her vulva without any further delays. You know that if you do not get your mouth on her lips immediately either you or she could pass out. With this style, there is no teasing, just direct genital stimulation. Both are equally important and have their high points.

Note that experimentation may bring up all kinds of feelings. Your partner could feel guilty that she likes your penetrating her with a dildo while licking her clitoris. Though the stimulation feels good, she may believe the use of sex toys is morally wrong. Lastly, maybe your partner is so blown away by the new experience that she does not have the language to express what she is feeling. Regardless of you or your partners reaction it’s ok. There is no "right" or "wrong" feeling. The point of experimentation is merely to explore each of your likes and dislikes. Once the two of you are able to identify what feels good, then the two of you will be in a better position to determine what types of behaviors you would like to further explore / practice.

Tips written by Alex Robboy, LSW

HTHGS: Tip for the person giving cunnilingus

Try using the new vibrator  Tongue Joy  It is a vibrator that fits over the tongue.  For more details check out their website Tongue Joy

 

 

 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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September 19, 2006