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Painful Intercourse

HTHGS: Painful Intercourse
Most women who are sexually active with a partner at some point in their life may experience a sharp pain during intercourse. This sensation, unfortunately is a common experience. This pain typically occurs for one of several reasons. First, during intercourse, small amounts of air could be getting trapped within the vaginal canal, causing sharp sensations of pain. To minimize the amount of air, try re-inserting the penis. Another common cause of the sharp pain is when a woman is not sexually stimulated enough. Often this experience occurs in long term relationships, where couples are more likely to get into the pattern of having penile-vaginal intercourse without the same degree of foreplay as before during the initial courtship (lasting 3 months to 2 years). Often in long-term relationships the idea that penile-vaginal intercourse will occur at some point in the night is assumed, and as a result minimal time is spent building up to that moment. Thus, the solution is easy, increase stimulation. A third common reason women may be experience a sharp pain during intercourse occurs when the penis is hitting up against her cervix. To decrease pain, change positions and/or stop thrusting as deeply. Another cause for this sensation is that the woman is simply tender from recently engaging in a lot of intercourse. Sometimes, women can get 'raw' on the inside of their vaginal walls. If this is the case, then stop engaging in intercourse, and engage in other forms of sexual play. Wait several days before resuming intercourse. Fifth, a sharp pain during intercourse could indicate something slightly more serious such as endometriosis. Endometriosis is a fancy way of saying that the uterine lining grows outside of the uterus, such as in the fallopian tubes, on the ovaries, or even in the intestines, which can cause other types of pain and symptoms. If this is the case, go to your local GYN. Sixth, the woman could be suffering from PID, and lastly, it is possible that the woman pulled her pelvic sling muscle. If this is the case, again go to your local GYN. In any event, given the array of different possible causes of painful intercourse, it is highly recommended that the woman make a doctor’s appointment. A gynecologist will be able to properly diagnoses, and thus treat the problem appropriately.

written by Alex Robboy, LSW

HTHGS: Too Tight

Ask Alex, 
I'm a 23 years old male, and my girlfriend is 21 years old. We've been seeing each other for a year now, and decided we were ready to start having sex. My girlfriend went to the doctor and started taking the pill, and we're using condoms also. We're both virgins and were never involved in a previous sexual relationship. When we tried it for the first time it hurt her a great deal, she described the pain as much like menstruation pain. She also bled a little (but I know it's normal). Since then we tried two more times and it still hurts her a lot. We had a lot of foreplay before the actual penetration and she seems very aroused and wet. Nonetheless we tried using KY jell, but it doesn't seem to help much. She's very tensed when we have sex and she contracts her muscles, she says she does not want to but can't help it. Instead of releasing the muscles, she contracts them even more so it hurts more. After a while she gets very tired and so do I, because I have to hold 
myself in the air so it won't hurt her.

We tried different positions, but she says she's most comfortable with the missionary one.  She says she feels I'm very deep inside of her, when all I really can insert, before it starts hurting so much, is just the head of my penis. She talked to her mother and sister and they both told her it hurt them very much too, and took them a few attempts before they could do it. I'm willing to try as much as she needs but she gets very frustrated with the situation. I suggested that maybe she wasn't really ready but she says she is very ready. We even thought using some alcohol so she'd get more free, but I'm afraid she'll get to drunk and fall asleep, or won't remember anything in the morning, so the next time will be hurtful again. I tried suggesting I inserted a finger into her but she says the idea repulses her. Also, she never used tampons.

Is this situation normal? Should we just make some more attempts and it will be O.K? Do you have any other advice for us? I tried reading as much on the subject as I can, but I found no solution.
Thanks in advance,
Udi

Dear Udi, 
My guess is that your situation is normal. Though, just to be sure, I highly recommend that your partner has a medical check up with her regular GYN. Once you can rule out all potential medical reasons for this issue to be occurring, it may be that your partner is not used to having anything inside of her. If this is the case, you can expect that it will take a long of practicing (which can be quite fun) while she gets used to having something inside of her. 

In general, coitus (eg. Sex) is always more difficult if you are
*Uncomfortable using a tampon
*Uncomfortable with finger stimulation inside of you
* tensing your vaginal muscles

Recommendation:
1) Practice all of the above three things....
2) practice having sex - once you are inside of her - instead of continuing to thrust...stop and talk to her - by this I mean verbally re-assure her it is ok to relax her vaginal muscles, in fact you could have her practice squeezing and releasing with you inside of her - you will then be her gage as to how hard she is squeezing
3) you could also practice with a small dildo - or she could do so on her own
4) focus on the other parts of your sexual relationship - there is much much more than just intercourse - and when she is ready she will initiate things (sometimes focusing on 'getting the hang of sex' can be a turn off - it depends upon the exact relationship that the two of you 
have)

This tip was originally written by Alex Robboy, LSW.

HTHGS: Painful sex

Ask Alex,
My boyfriend and I have always had sex a lot.  Sometimes after we do it several times in a short period of time, my vagina becomes very swollen and it is painful to have sex for a few days and sometimes even to urinate.  We have been together for about eight months, and now it takes a lot less sex for me to be in pain.  I still desire him sexually, but it is causing a problem because I don't want him to have sex with me as much, and he doesn't believe that I could be in pain because we haven't done it that much.  What could be the problem?  I think that he may think I'm sleeping around since I am in so much pain and we haven't had sex that much.  I know neither one of us has a disease or anything, so I am clueless.  Help!
~Virginia

Dear Virginia,
This sounds like a medical problem. You need to make an appointment with your gynecologist. You may have an infection.  It is not normal to have a swollen vagina for a few days, or to have difficulty urinating.

 My only question to you is what has stopped you from making an appointment and getting looked at right away?  Alex Robboy, LSW

 

 

HTHGS: Painful sex

Ask Alex, 
My boyfriend and I have always had sex a lot.  Sometimes after we do it several times in a short period of time, my vagina becomes very swollen and it is painful to have sex for a few days and sometimes even to urinate.  We have been together for about eight months, and now it takes a lot less sex for me to be in pain.  I still desire him sexually, but it is causing a problem because I don't want him to have sex with me as much, and he doesn't believe that I could be in pain because we haven't done it that much.  What could be the problem?  I think that he may think I'm sleeping around since I am in so much pain and we haven't had sex that much.  I know neither one of us has a disease or anything, so I am clueless.  Help!
 ~Virginia

Dear Virginia, 
Given that you are experiencing discomfort sex and urination you should make an appointment with a gynecologist to have her/him rule out medical problems, such as infection. Once your doctor rules out medical problems, you may find that your problems stem from insufficient lubrication.  Engaging in intercourse without enough lubrication can cause vaginal irritation. To increase the amount of lubrication you could a) ask your partner to give you cunnilingus (oral sex) b) use water-based lubrication. If you do not know where to find lubrication you we sell them at http://www.howtohavegoodsex.com Lastly, my suggestion is that you and your partner discuss this situation together.  Without good communication your partner may wonder why your sexual habits are changing and may blame himself.  Involvement on his part is particularly important if the problem is stemming from your lack of lubrication.  The degree to which you are stimulated is often a reflection of his behaviors towards you.

 

 

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____________

The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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September 6, 2006