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Painful Intercourse
HTHGS: Painful Intercourse
Most women who are sexually active with a partner at some point in their life
may experience a sharp pain during intercourse. This sensation, unfortunately is
a common experience. This pain typically occurs for one of several reasons.
First, during intercourse, small amounts of air could be getting trapped within
the vaginal canal, causing sharp sensations of pain. To minimize the amount of
air, try re-inserting the penis. Another common cause of the sharp pain is when
a woman is not sexually stimulated enough. Often this experience occurs in long
term relationships, where couples are more likely to get into the pattern of
having penile-vaginal intercourse without the same degree of foreplay as before
during the initial courtship (lasting 3 months to 2 years). Often in long-term
relationships the idea that penile-vaginal intercourse will occur at some point
in the night is assumed, and as a result minimal time is spent building up to
that moment. Thus, the solution is easy, increase stimulation. A third common
reason women may be experience a sharp pain during intercourse occurs when the
penis is hitting up against her cervix. To decrease pain, change positions
and/or stop thrusting as deeply. Another cause for this sensation is that the
woman is simply tender from recently engaging in a lot of intercourse.
Sometimes, women can get 'raw' on the inside of their vaginal walls. If this is
the case, then stop engaging in intercourse, and engage in other forms of sexual
play. Wait several days before resuming intercourse. Fifth, a sharp pain during
intercourse could indicate something slightly more serious such as
endometriosis. Endometriosis is a fancy way of saying that the uterine lining
grows outside of the uterus, such as in the fallopian tubes, on the ovaries, or
even in the intestines, which can cause other types of pain and symptoms. If
this is the case, go to your local GYN. Sixth, the woman could be suffering from
PID, and lastly, it is possible that the woman pulled her pelvic sling muscle.
If this is the case, again go to your local GYN. In any event, given the array
of different possible causes of painful intercourse, it is highly recommended
that the woman make a doctor’s appointment. A gynecologist will be able to
properly diagnoses, and thus treat the problem appropriately.
written by Alex Robboy, LSW
HTHGS: Too Tight
Ask Alex,
I'm a 23 years old male, and my girlfriend is 21 years old. We've been seeing
each other for a year now, and decided we were ready to start having sex. My
girlfriend went to the doctor and started taking the pill, and we're using
condoms also. We're both virgins and were never involved in a previous sexual
relationship. When we tried it for the first time it hurt her a great deal, she
described the pain as much like menstruation pain. She also bled a little (but I
know it's normal). Since then we tried two more times and it still hurts her a
lot. We had a lot of foreplay before the actual penetration and she seems very
aroused and wet. Nonetheless we tried using KY jell, but it doesn't seem to help
much. She's very tensed when we have sex and she contracts her muscles, she says
she does not want to but can't help it. Instead of releasing the muscles, she
contracts them even more so it hurts more. After a while she gets very tired and
so do I, because I have to hold
myself in the air so it won't hurt her.
We tried different positions, but she says she's most comfortable with the
missionary one. She says she feels I'm very deep inside of her, when all I
really can insert, before it starts hurting so much, is just the head of my
penis. She talked to her mother and sister and they both told her it hurt them
very much too, and took them a few attempts before they could do it. I'm willing
to try as much as she needs but she gets very frustrated with the situation. I
suggested that maybe she wasn't really ready but she says she is very ready. We
even thought using some alcohol so she'd get more free, but I'm afraid she'll
get to drunk and fall asleep, or won't remember anything in the morning, so the
next time will be hurtful again. I tried suggesting I inserted a finger into her
but she says the idea repulses her. Also, she never used tampons.
Is this situation normal? Should we just make some more attempts and it will be
O.K? Do you have any other advice for us? I tried reading as much on the subject
as I can, but I found no solution.
Thanks in advance,
Udi
Dear Udi,
My guess is that your situation is normal. Though, just to be sure, I highly
recommend that your partner has a medical check up with her regular GYN. Once
you can rule out all potential medical reasons for this issue to be occurring,
it may be that your partner is not used to having anything inside of her. If
this is the case, you can expect that it will take a long of practicing (which
can be quite fun) while she gets used to having something inside of her.
In general, coitus (eg. Sex) is always more difficult if you are
*Uncomfortable using a tampon
*Uncomfortable with finger stimulation inside of you
* tensing your vaginal muscles
Recommendation:
1) Practice all of the above three things....
2) practice having sex - once you are inside of her - instead of continuing to
thrust...stop and talk to her - by this I mean verbally re-assure her it is ok
to relax her vaginal muscles, in fact you could have her practice squeezing and
releasing with you inside of her - you will then be her gage as to how hard she
is squeezing
3) you could also practice with a small dildo - or she could do so on her own
4) focus on the other parts of your sexual relationship - there is much much
more than just intercourse - and when she is ready she will initiate things
(sometimes focusing on 'getting the hang of sex' can be a turn off - it depends
upon the exact relationship that the two of you
have)
This tip was originally written by Alex Robboy, LSW.
HTHGS:
Painful sex
Ask Alex,
My boyfriend and I have always had sex a lot. Sometimes after we do it
several times in a short period of time, my vagina becomes very swollen and it
is painful to have sex for a few days and sometimes even to urinate. We
have been together for about eight months, and now it takes a lot less sex for
me to be in pain. I still desire him sexually, but it is causing a problem
because I don't want him to have sex with me as much, and he doesn't believe
that I could be in pain because we haven't done it that much. What could
be the problem? I think that he may think I'm sleeping around since I am
in so much pain and we haven't had sex that much. I know neither one of us
has a disease or anything, so I am clueless. Help!
~Virginia
Dear
Virginia,
This sounds like a medical problem. You need to make an appointment with your
gynecologist. You may have an infection. It
is not normal to have a swollen vagina for a few days, or to have difficulty
urinating.
My
only question to you is what has stopped you from making an appointment and
getting looked at right away?
Alex Robboy, LSW
HTHGS:
Painful sex
Ask
Alex,
My boyfriend and I have always had sex a lot. Sometimes after we do it
several times in a short period of time, my vagina becomes very swollen and it
is painful to have sex for a few days and sometimes even to urinate. We
have been together for about eight months, and now it takes a lot less sex for
me to be in pain. I still desire him sexually, but it is causing a problem
because I don't want him to have sex with me as much, and he doesn't believe
that I could be in pain because we haven't done it that much. What could
be the problem? I think that he may think I'm sleeping around since I am
in so much pain and we haven't had sex that much. I know neither one of us
has a disease or anything, so I am clueless. Help!
~Virginia
Dear
Virginia,
Given that you are experiencing discomfort sex and urination you should make an
appointment with a gynecologist to have her/him rule out medical problems, such
as infection. Once your doctor rules out medical problems, you may find that
your problems stem from insufficient lubrication.
Engaging in intercourse without enough lubrication can cause vaginal
irritation. To increase the amount of lubrication you could a) ask your partner
to give you cunnilingus (oral sex) b) use water-based lubrication. If you do not
know where to find lubrication you we sell them at http://www.howtohavegoodsex.com
Lastly, my suggestion is that you and your partner discuss this situation
together. Without good
communication your partner may wonder why your sexual habits are changing and
may blame himself. Involvement on
his part is particularly important if the problem is stemming from your lack of
lubrication. The degree to which
you are stimulated is often a reflection of his behaviors towards you.
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