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HTHGS: Ideas (written by Alex Robboy LSW)

The scene:
* Alone
* Your favorite music playing – preferably something with some get-up and go
* Incense burning
* The room is dark and all the blinds are closed
* 4 well-placed candles are lit - such that you will be able to stand / lay down in front of the mirror and see yourself

 The goal: to give yourself permission to arouse yourself

 Caution: do NOT orgasm . . . this exercise is merely intended to help you explore yourself. The purpose is to explore your body without focusing on bringing yourself to orgasm.  If you must “orgasm” then please follow use the “more adventurous instructions.” 

The beginning:

Start by standing in front of the mirror with your eyes closed.  As you get comfortable, start tapping your foot to the sound of the music. Feel yourself.  How is each part of your body responding? What type of energy do you feel with the music? What is your body telling you?  As you let the beat of the music take over your foot, open your eyes and see yourself. Say hello.  Invite yourself to relax and enjoy.   

Close your eyes again.  And now let the music take over your whole body. Note how each body part moves. What does your hand feel like? Your neck? Your ears? Your knees? Your hips? Say hello to each body part and smile. Encourage yourself to relax and let go. This is not a contest. This is about you getting in touch with yourself and what feels good.  You are who you are.  Take a moment and appreciate yourself.  After you feel yourself relax, open your eyes and watch yourself, then close your eyes.  

With your eyes closed begin to twirl around the room and do a strip-tease dance for yourself. Do whatever feels natural. Let your clothes fly off your body in all the different directions. If you prefer, feel free to watch yourself. Remember this show is for you! Do whatever makes you feel the sexiest. Experiment. You only have yourself to satisfy.  Laughter is OK.   

When you are naked . . .

Put yourself in a position so that you can see yourself in the mirror. Now stroke yourself.  Stoke your cheeks, hair, breasts, arms, legs, thighs, butt, knees and toenails. Do not miss any part of your body.  Try doing this to the beat of the music. Depending upon the music you may need to use fast and hard or slow and long movements.  Then try touching yourself at a different pace than the music would have you do. Remember all of your touching should be ways that you find erotic.

 Once you have touched all your body parts – ask yourself which parts you forgot and begin again. This time watch yourself in the mirror while you touch yourself. Depending upon what you forgot to touch the first round, you may now be watching yourself touch your genitals, toes nails or ear lobes! If you can honestly say that you touched everything already, then simply touch everything again (hey, you can never touch yourself enough).  

Once you have spent time touching your entire body, close your eyes and focus on whatever forms of touch are most arousing to you. Once you have gotten yourself into the groove, open your eyes and again say hello to yourself touching you. This is what you like.  

More adventurous instructions

 Repeat this entire assignment, but video-tape yourself.  When you are done, watch it. What is it like to see yourself dance? Do a strip-tease? And to become sexually aroused? Afterwards, erase the video-tape. You never know what could happen if the tape got into the wrong hands!

This tip was originally written by Alex Robboy LSW

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HTHGS: How do women masturbate?

Ask Alex,
As a college female, and graduate of private schools, I was always taught that masturbation was a no-no, you will go blind, etc, etc. While talking with friends, I discovered that many of my friends freely talk about relying on masturbation to fulfill their sexual appetites. My question, while stupid sounding, is how do women masturbate? I am nervous about asking any of my friends, I am afraid they will realize how nave I am when it comes to sex.
Confused Lately,

Dear Confused Lately,
There is no such thing as a stupid question. In fact, many other women have the very same question. How do people masturbate. I think this question is part comes because there is no 'one' way to masturbate. Each person has her own style / favorite way of touching themselves. Thus, included, you will find a list of several different techniques which you could test out. Include only the ones that you feel comfortable. Consider my suggestions options. Feel free to improvise.

        To masturbate:
** Set the atmosphere - dim the lights, turn your stereo on, put satin sheets on your bed, wear something that makes you feel sexy, and light some  candles!  

**Try reading some erotic magazines or books while you are stimulating yourself. This can be conducive to getting your mind in a sexy mode.

** Start by lightly touching your toes and work your way up all the way to your finger tips, explore your body. Try using hard rough touch, then slow and soft. Massage your skin, tickle your skin. Note the way your different body parts react to the stimulation. Most likely your chin, nipples and earlobe will all react differently to the same touch. (If you have not noticed, masturbation includes more than just touching your genitals. Masturbation includes the whole body.

** When you reach your vulva explore the mons pubis, then your out lips, inner lips, the vaginal opening and the clitoris. Try gently pulling or pushing the skin around, rub your fingers side-ways, up and down. Pay close attention to the different sensations that you are feeling. Experiment with all different types of touch. Get creative.

**Lay in the bathtub naked with the facet pouring water onto the tip of the breasts and/or on the clitoris. Rushing water can cause some women to orgasm.

**Run a vibrator along the inside of your legs, massage your clitoris with it. Penetrate your vagina with the vibrator. Turn the vibrator on high. With the vibrator resting inside of you, touch your clitoris.

**Put a butt plug in your anus, while the vibrator is in you and masturbate. Mix and match.

Tips written by Alex Robboy, LSW


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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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September 19, 2006