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Masturbation (written by Shan
(written Shan & Claude)
(written by Shan & Claude)
with masturbation (written by Shan & Claude)
normal? (written by Shan & Claude)
on masturbation (written by other sexperts)
Masturbation (Written by Shan & Claude)
Ask Shan & Claude,
I have a question. When ever my partner masturbates me it takes me a real long
time for me to ejaculate. I know most men complain they don't last long enough.
But I see it as more of a problem. Because I last so long, about 30 minutes or
more, she usually gets turned off and gives up. But when I masturbate I usually
ejaculate within ten minutes or so. What are some things I could do to lessen
the time it takes me to ejaculate. Sincerely, Bill
You are right we rarely get this question, but it is a good one. We
would suggest that you focus your attention on the pleasure! Just feel how
good it feels and don’t worry so much about orgasming when she orgasms.
That only creates pressure and anxiety. We would recommend that you just
enjoy it and have fun - this will probably lead to an earlier orgasm/ejaculation
and it will just make it more fun! And that is what is all about right?
It is not as much about perfectly synchronized timing as it is about enjoyment
and everyone finding their own pace and timing and rhythm.
Shan & Claude
to the editor,
Regarding your answer. I had the same "problem" as Bill. My girlfriend
would get tired, and she'd give up (making her feel unsatisfactory). Though this
still happens occasionally, I have found a few things that help me reach orgasm
earlier. The first (and most important) is communication. Discuss what you enjoy
the most. This works the other way too (ask her what she likes the most). The
second is lubrication. Use some lubrication, and it'll feel a lot better. The
third is to engage in foreplay. I find that it is very important during any
sexual encounter. Don't just use it to 'get you in the mood', but tease one
another, and make it fun. By the end of the fore play, you will want it more,
and will be easier to orgasm.
I have found that by
doing the above, I can cut down the time it takes to orgasm enough so that she
doesn't get turned off or give up. Also, make sure you pay back the favor to her
(written Shan & Claude)
Ask Shan & Claude,
I VISIT UR WEB SITE & FIND IT VERY USEFUL FOR ME. I WANT TO DISCUSS MY
SEXUAL PROBLEM WITH U I HOPE U WILL HELP ME WITH UR DEEP INTEREST. I AM ADDICTED
OF MASTURBATION SINCE LAST SEVEN YEARS. DUE TO THIS ADDICTION MY PENIS HAVE BENT
TOWARDS LEFT SIDE. WOULD U PLZ SIR GUIDE ME THAT HOW MY PENIS CAN B STRAIGHTENED
AGAIN. ACTUALLY SIR I M A VERY SHY PERSON THATS Y I CANT DISSCUSS MY THIS
PROBLEM WITH ANYONE. SO PLZ HELP ME KINDLY IN THIS REGAD.UR ATTENTION CAN GIVE
ME A GREAT RELIEF FROM THIS PROBLEM. THANX AND REGARDS.
Dear masturbation "addiction,"
you been fired from your job because of it? Have you neglected those you
love because of it? That is not to say you couldn’t be addicted but
we just doubt it. Most people are taught that if they enjoy something and
they don’t want to stop they must be addicted that is not always the case.
You also probably enjoy eating but would you say you are addicted?
Could you quit eating? Our point is because you masturbate and enjoy it
regularly does not mean you have a problem. Only you will be able to tell
if it is a problem and detrimental or healthful and a wonderful experience with
yourself. Just keep in mind that we are taught to repress and control and
censor or fantasies and pleasure - and that contributes to many people think
they are addicts or sick. But, if you think you have a problem - then it
is a problem for you - it is always your perspective that makes the difference.
We don't know many of the details - but would like to tell you that masturbation
is a good thing - it is great! Shan & Claude
We see two issues at work here. One is your concern for how to modify the
curve of your penis and the other is about “addiction.” You may be
able to stroke your penis back to “straight” by stroking it with pressure
the other way (since you believe it was your masturbation that created the
curve). We do doubt that you are addicted to masturbation.
HTHGS: Masturbation (written by Shan
Dear Shannon and Claudette,
I masturbated often as a teen and stopped when I became sexually active. Shortly
after I stopped I began to realize that my penis looked a little odd. It seemed
thinner and smaller when flaccid. My penis began to role over on its side, like
if you looked at me from directly in front of me you'd see the side of my penis,
and one last thing ever once and a while either when I go to the restroom or
strip to take a shower I realize that my penis is an abnormal shape as in the
middle of my base there is a big slope inward so it is thick at the base and as
it goes up it caves in and then goes back up to the original thickness. It
doesn't appear this way all the time mainly when my crotch is sweaty from
exercise, sports, etc or when I'm cold. But everything else is all the time,
this is a concern for me because it is embarrassing and causes me to hesitate to
take of my pants around people. What my question is, is will this correct itself
naturally or should I do something?
You need to know that you are not alone! Many men have the “hourglass”
effect. We don’t believe there is a technical term for it but it is totally
normal! The penis changes shape more on some people and less on others.
How one masturbates may have a slight effect on how it curves over many years.
Some people are born with variations on angle, width, size and so forth.
There isn’t much that we know of that you could do to change the shape of your
penis. You may be able to stroke it with pressure in the other direction
if you really believe it was your masturbation that altered the angle. It
would sort of be like a woman saying she didn’t like the size or shape of her
Did you quit masturbating because you started
having intercourse with others? Last time we checked you were “sexually
active” well before you had intercourse sexual with yourself! Masturbation
is a healthy and wonderful way to celebrate and enjoy yourself. Shan &
to the editor,
don’t like the answer to the question .... because I know exactly what he is
talking about. What helps me is enjoying the part that she does and then when I
want to cum I take over the part and she just accommodates what ever I do ...
this works out the best for us! Andi
HTHGS: Difficulty with masturbation, (written by Shan & Claude)
Shan & Claude,
My husband and I have a very good sex life, and a very happy marriage. There is,
however, one aspect of our sex life that is concerning me more lately. He has no
problem getting an erection, however, he can only orgasm through masturbation.
Only one time in the four years that we have been together has he had an orgasm
through intercourse. I have no problem reaching orgasm through a variety of
ways, but he just can't. Also, although he can orgasm through masturbation, he
does not orgasm if I am giving him a hand job. We are very honest with each
other about everything, including sex, and I ask him if I'm doing something
wrong, or if there is something that I'm not doing that would feel better. He
always says that what I am doing is great. However, I am feeling more and more
insecure about it. I've always felt like I was a good lover, and now, with the
man I love more than anything else in the world, I feel incompetent. He says
that he doesn't know why he can't orgasm. He is about 10 years older than me (I
am in my mid-20's, he is in his mid-30's), and was without a physical
relationship for about 5 years. He thinks that may have something to do with it,
because he just got so used to masturbating. Could this be the reason? Could
there be some physical or psychological problem? Thanks for your help. Feeling
like a bad lover.
feeling like a bad lover,
It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship. From what you described
you are both open and honest and listen to one another. You have explained
your feelings and he has heard you. It seems to us that it can continue to
be a topic of discussion for you both. If you keep studying the situation
you may come to understand more about it than before. Only you two know
exactly what is going on. However, we have some suggestions: you may
want to ask him to let you “help him orgasm?” Maybe he could take
himself to the brink of orgasm and you could “finish him off?”
Perhaps, you could put your hand with his hand as he masturbated and you could
share that experience? Our only thought that may add something to your
situation is that orgasm is oftentimes about control and power and the ability
to surrender that power. Can your husband surrender control and hand it
over to you? Is he able to be “out of control” in other areas of his
life? Many times it is about having a problem surrendering and being
vulnerable. Other than that maybe you could ask him what he thinks about
when he orgasms perhaps you could “talk dirty” or elaborate on what he is
thinking about when he orgasms and feel more a part if his orgasm that way?
We hope these suggestions contribute something to your situation. We also
want you to know that you both seem to be doing a lot of great communicating
with one another so good job! Shan & Claude
Am I normal? (Written by Shan & Claude MS.Ed.)
Ask Shan & Claude,
I am a 20 y/o male. Normal weight, I go to the gym, I am decently healthy.
I like to masturbate, and there are times were I masturbate everyday, for over a
week. Anyways, sometimes after that I don't get aroused for days, like
three or so. By arousal, I mean I don't get erection, I don't want to look
at porno, or anything. I still find women attractive, just not to the point
where I want to go home and well you know. Today is the fourth, and I am horny
again, but is this normal? Thanks for your time. From: Jim.
Sexual excitement has peaks and valleys just like happiness and sadness.
is all part of a healthy continuum. Most people tend to have valleys
during the week when they are busy and distracted and have peaks on the
weekend or on vacation when they are relaxed and revitalized. That is why
it is so important to make time for yourself so that your body can feel
recharged. What you are experiencing sounds absolutely healthy and
“normal.” Shan & Claude