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Past Tips


Tips for better Fellatio (blow job / giving head)

Giving good fellatio (written by Alex Robboy LCSW, CAS)
Secrets of a good blow-job (written by Alex Robboy LCSW, CAS)
Sex toys & oral sex (written by Alex Robboy LCSW,CAS)
Fellatio (Written by Alex Robboy LCSW, CAS)
Blowjobs (written by Calee Spinney, BA)
Gag reflex (written by Lambros, BA)

HTHGS: Giving good fellatio

Giving good fellatio can be much more complex than simply bobbing ones head up and down.


  • Irrumination Your mouth is a mere receptacle to his penis thrusts.
  • Your mouth is active . . . seeks out the most sensitive spots
  1. Glands
  2.  Head of the penis
  3. Coronal ridge (around the base of the glands)
  4. Raphe (the line running down the underside of the penis
  •  Change speeds
  • Change the degree of sucking (hard to soft)
  • Use your hand and mouth simultaneously (hand job / blow job at the same time)
  • Change his position
  1. Sitting
  2.  Standing
  3. Lying down
  • Vary the location
  1. In a closet
  2. While he is talking on the telephone
  3. In a classroom
  4. In the kitchen
  5. Outside
  6. Under the bed
  • Deep throat even though this is not a fancy technique, many people have difficulties doing this. Take in as much of his penis at one time as possible.

Tips written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS

 HTHGS: Secrets of a good blow-job

Ask Alex,
Every time I give blow jobs, my jaw starts to hurt. Is this because of the way my mouth is positioned on the penis? It's annoying to my boyfriend because I have to take breaks and he wants to hurry up and spill his load. How do I keep my jaw from hurting so much when I give oral sex? Thanks!

Dear Susie,
You are not alone. Most women (and gay men) have experienced jaw soreness from giving fellatio. In fact, it takes most people a few weeks of giving regular fellatio to not feel sore afterwards. In addition to practice, there are some secrets to giving good fellatio.  If you are a man, please stop reading here. This tip is for females only. 

Use your mouth for the tip of the penis, and let your hand to the rest of the work.  This technique is most effective when you lubricate the shaft of his penis with copious amounts of saliva.  The combination of a ‘hand-job’ and a ‘blow-job’ enables you to provide your partner with more stimulation than just ‘deep throating’ him. In addition, you are saving your jaw a lot of work.  Using your hand and mouth actually enables you to become more creative.  You can have your hand and mouth moving in the same direction, opposite directions, sideways. In addition, you could use your mouth on his balls, while your hand is focused on the tip of his penis. Lastly, you can use one of your fingers in his anus, as your other hand is on his ball and your tongue is licking his penis.  Trust me, with all this additional stimulation, he will never even notice that you are no longer even attempting to deep throat him. Remember, by taking less of him into your mouth at once, you will a) no longer get sore and b) become more creative in how you use your hands!

 A common mistake that women make is to rush into giving fellatio without the proper foreplay. By the time you actually get around to putting your mouth on his penis, he should be so aroused that he will not be able to last very long.  The build up is an often forgotten about phase that is critical. Thus, take a few minutes and ask yourself, prior to giving fellatio, how have you excited him? In what ways have you enticed him to want sex?

 Lastly, do not forget, you can always tell your partner that it is a ‘turn-on’ to watch him masturbate.  Then, when he is close to orgasm, you can join him by placing your mouth over his penis. This way, you do not have to do all the work yourself. In addition, to getting him to help bring himself to orgasm without his knowledge, you can also be taking notes on how he likes to be touched.  Sometimes watching is more informative than verbal communication.  
This tip was written by Alex Robboy, LSW

HTHGS:  Sex toys & oral sex (written by Alex Robboy LCSW,CAS)

Ask Alex
My friend and I are in a long distance relationship, about 1000 miles from each other.  I'm not seeing anyone else.  I feel pretty confidant that he is being faithful to me.  I feel as though I am experienced sexually more than him.  We are both in our mid forties.  I would love to do oral sex on him.  He said he has only had it once in his teens and it hurt. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach this.  I thought of showering together and then doing it as I start to dry him off?  I just don't want him to think of me as a freak because I would enjoy giving oral sex to him, and possibly lose him?  We have been together for over a year and a half now.  I also would like to introduce some toys and a swing, but again I don't want to move to fast and frighten him away from me.  He says he has only had straight sex with his previous wife, different positions but no toys, games, etc   The last time we were together I dressed in a very provocative, erotic, fishnet gown, that showed almost everything, along with high heels.  His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, he was so moved that he had to sit down to compose himself.  So I knew he really, really liked it!  So I thought maybe he's ready for the next step?  Oral?  Or should I give this some more time?  He is such a nice guy.  Very loving, caring, actually the man of my dreams!  He seems not to have done a lot of different stuff sexually, and I don't want to run him away by wanting to be a dirty girl sometimes!  I am a real lady in public, but I can be pretty naughty behind closed doors at times! :)  Open for any and all suggestions.    Ms. Afraid

Dear Ms. Afraid,
It sounds like you may have overwhelmed your partner. While he is very excited to try out all these new things, he may also have some fears.  My guess is that on some level he believes oral sex and sex toys are bad.  To help him get over their fears you could try several different approaches. The first is to understand where his views come from.  Take a sexual history. Find out how he learned how babies were made? Orgasms? Menstruation? Wet dreams? Did his parents kiss each other in public? What messages did he learn about women? Men? And what were his first experiences of ‘love’ like? Simply understanding what things mean to each person will help the two of you develop a framework in which to further discuss particular likes and dislikes. Now that you have made yourself clear as to the types of sexual behaviors that you would like to engage in with him, back off and let him approach you when he is ready.  Try giving him a coupon booklet filled with sexy ideas. When he feels ready he will ‘use the coupon’. 

1) An hour massage, with you dressed in a sexy outfit of his choice.
2) An hour massage, with you dressed in a sexy outfit of your choice.
3) After having sex, breakfast in bed.  The type of food is his choice.
4) After having sex, breakfast in bed. The type of food is your choice.
5) A bubble bath wit you drying him off by kissing all of his body parts.
6) An evening of tying each other up. You provide the equipment. 
7) The use of flavored condoms (which can be purchased at our sex toy shop  
8) Fifteen minutes of receiving oral sex
9) Fifteen minutes of giving oral sex
10) You get the idea. 


The more coupons you can create, the better off the two of you will be. People like options. Not to mention you may even discover some things that your partner likes.

Alex Robboy LCSW,CAS

 HTHGS: Fellatio (Written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS)

Ask Alex,
I have been a subscriber for some time now, and I have waiting for someone with a similar problem to write in and ask for advice. OK, nobody wrote so I have to ask for advice.  I have been going out with this wonderful girl and she wants to perform fellatio on me. The problem is she has never done it before and the other night was almost a disaster. How do I explain to her what do do without hurting her feelings? We have both been married before and divorced. She is 37 and I am 51. In need of help,

Dear Need of help,
The most important thing you can do to help her learn is to be direct.  Without proper directions, she will have no idea what to do.  Imagine learning to read for the first time. It took many many years of practice. You were not a born expert. Reading, like giving a good-blow job is a learned behavior. Thus, try explaining to her that because she has never done this before, she should not put the pressure on herself to be a born expert. You do not expect this from her. Furthermore if she gives you a 'bad' blow job it's more of a reflection of you because you didn't teach her well.  In the beginning, your goal is to simply get her comfortable with giving you pleasure in this way. Thus, she should feel free to experiment. Other than the basics that need to be explained in the beginning (eg – no teeth…this hurts…) let her know that you are more curious to see what she naturally does, before you start telling her what you like.  Let her know that some of your pleasure comes from knowing that she is enjoying what she is doing, thus, you do not want to say too much in the beginning. An excellent way to give guidance, is to play the A-B game, (the game is located on this page) Another tactic is to make the whole experience light by saying that the two of you will have to practice until she 'gets the hang of it'. Remember, no one knows how to give a blow job the first time around. Thus, it's in your best interest to tell her what to do.  Lastly, remember, NEVER say to her 'that sucks'.  Instead, put everything into the positives. That felt really good.  I really like it when you do X. Or could we try Y.  

Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS


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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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