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Past Tips


    Oral Sex (Fellatio & cunnilingus) 
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

  • Hair in throat (Written by Shan&Claude)
  • Carpet-muncher (written by Shan & Claude/ Alex Robboy LSW)
  • 69 (written by Shan & Claude)
  • Oral sex (written by Shan & Claude)
  • How to have give a great blow job (written by Shan & Claude)
  • Information on cunnilingus  (Written by othersexperts)
  • Tongue Pierce (written by Shan&Claude)
  • Sex toys & blow jobs (written by Shan & Claude)
  • Problems with oral sex (written by Shan & Claude)
  • Blow Jobs (written by Shannon & Claude)

HTHGS:  Hair in throat (Written by Shan&Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
I have been seeing a man for approx 3 months now. Although is sexual is will not perform oral sex on me. I have on him and he knows how nice it feels. He says he doesn't like to get hair in his throat (as if I do) but I shave! Although I enjoy sex with him I need a little more. Any suggestions? Thanks
In need of suggestions

Dear In need of suggestions,
In our lives we have received numerous questions dealing with “reciprocity.”  This is a great issues for a couple to examine.  You absolutely have a right to desire oral sex.  Similarly, he has a right not to do things that he does not want to do.  However, if you could talk about what he finds objectionable there may be ways (as you mentioned – like shaving) that may gently persuade or encourage him.  If you could both discuss your feelings and motivations you may be able to discover why he doesn’t currently like to perform cunnilingus (he may feel out of control, he may not think he could pleasure you, he may not know “what to do,” he may find it emasculating, etc).  Even if he will not “go down on you” the discussion may help you better understand your partner and help him understand why oral sex is important to you.  The question then becomes are there ways to help him enjoy performing oral sex on you?  We would recommend that you do not pressure him because it could turn into a “power struggle” where one person is giving in and one person is the winner or loser.  That is generally not a pleasant situation!

Hopefully, you don’t perform oral sex for him in the attempt of having the favor returned.  The most desirable situation is that you both only do what you are comfortable with and primarily because you enjoy it and very minimally because “it gets them off.”  Also, if he doesn’t like to perform oral sex perhaps you know an outside person that does like it?  You didn’t mention whether or not you are exclusive ­ so we just thought we would put that “out there” as an option if you do “need a little more.”  Understand us on this point - we aren’t advising you to “cheat” or have an “affair” or “lie.”  We are just offering another possibility that involves some “out of the box” thinking and problem solving.   We wish you the best negotiating an option that will please and pleasure the both of you! Shan&Claude

HTHGS: Carpet-muncher (written by Shan & Claude/ Alex Robboy LSW)

Ask Shan & Claude,
I'm a 20-year-old man in a monogamous relationship with a 20-year-old female. We have sex pretty regularly, but I’m having one minor problem. I want to give her oral sex, but when it gets right down to it, I cant do it because it either smells down in the area or tastes really salty.... I would like to know how to do it to pleasure my girlfriend even more. Thank you non-carpetmuncher (yet!)

Dear carpet-muncher to be ­
The tastes and smells of the vagina vary from one woman to the next.  If you are unaccustomed to the flavor or smell of your girlfriend you could try to get used to it.  You could bath her before you “go down on her.”  When (and if) you decide to give her oral pleasure there are various techniques.  You will have to communicate with her to find out what she enjoys.  Does she like it when you lick her thighs?  Does she like it rough on her labia?  Does she like it when you suck or lick her clitoris?  Find these things out and you will have a lot of valuable info about your girlfriend!  Practice makes perfect! Shan & Claude

 Dear Carpet-Muncher to be, 
I just wanted to add a few other approaches to this problem (which is very common). Food can also affect the smell/taste of vaginal fluids.  My suggestion is that the two of you avoid eating acid foods (oranges, asparagus, artichokes etc).  In addition, after bathing together you could apply flavored lubrication. You can find many different types of oils at  Not only does the lubrication create a smoother sensation for her, but some might even say the taste is much better!  In addition, you could always experiment with dental dams, this way, you will never come into contact with her vaginal fluids – thus avoiding the taste altogether. Just make sure that you put some lubrication below the dental dam so that it feels smoother to her. Lastly, there are many ways to engage in manual stimulation. 
Alex Robboy, LSW 


HTHGS:  69 (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude
I'm 18 and have just started a committed relationship with someone. A couple of nights ago he suggested we try 69 and I agreed but now I have the problem of not knowing what it is! Please can you tell me what it is? I don’t want to ask him myself so please help me! Sian

Dear Sian,
69 is when you both give each other oral sex at the same time.  His mouth will be on your vulva (labia or clitoris) and yours will be on his penis.  It forms the shape of the number 69.  Imagine smiley faces in the loops/holes.  Many people try this and some enjoy it ­ some people find it difficult to give pleasure and receive pleasure simultaneously.  But, hey you won’t know unless you try it right?  If you don’t like it (or if you do) ­ communicate that to him.  Also, next time try not to go along when there is something that you don’t know!  He may ask you to do something that you are not comfortable with and you wouldn’t want to agree to it without knowing.  Communication is key!  Shan & Claude


HTHGS: Oral sex (written by Shan & Claude)


Ask Shan & Claude,

Hello, I recently started hooking back up with my best friend whom I have had a sexual history with.  Before, I had problems succeeding in giving him oral sex, it took forever and I had to stop.  He is rather big in size, so I figured this was why.  However, I had never encountered this problem with a guy before.  This time around I tried again and tried all the techniques I have previously read on your website and none of them seemed to make a difference.  It still took an incredibly long time and so we resulted in using other ways to get him to the point and then I'd go back down quickly. 

I know that another girl has succeeded but she did not take as long.  Could it be him?  We talked about it and he couldn't offer me any advice he had no idea.  Is it because I do not deep throat?  And is there an easy way to do that without the gagging sensation or a certain position that facilitates it?  Please help!  Thank you


Dear Oral Sex Question,

We think you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and on the oral sex.  The way to reduce the gagging reflex (and to enjoy sex) is for you to relax and for him to relax and to make each moment filled with fun and not goals/objectives.  Especially if he knows this is something you are set on “accomplishing” it may put pressure on him to make it happen.  Pressure and performance are generally the enemy.  In regard to the gagging reflex you could practice relaxing by “deep throating” (safe) phallic objects. 

However, even if you gave the best deep throat oral sex in the world if there was pressure and expectations it would most likely still not happen.  

We hope you will just enjoy one another and have fun and not put so much pressure on yourself for just one sexual act out of an infinite array of possibilities.  Try not to concern yourself that someone else pleasured him a certain way once ­ figure out what you and he like!   Shan & Claude

HTHGS: How to give a GREAT blowjob (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
Could you PLEASE give me good tips for giving a GREAT blowjob? Blow Job

Dear great blowjob,
There is a great book out now written by a gay man (or men) about how to give great head.  It explains it very well so that someone without a penis can understand!  The title is “Sex Tips For Straight Women From A Gay Man” by D. Anderson (  That should help you out.  Also, Alex has many incredible tips for oral sex on this very website ­ many, many valuable tips and suggestions! Shan & Claude

HTHGS: Problems with oral sex (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
My girlfriend and I have been going out for some time now, and have recently become intimate.  We have decided to hold off on sex until further down the road, but we have had several foreplay and oral sex experiences, and it is the first time for both of us.  When she performs oral sex on me, it's good, but I don’t reach orgasm even after periods of 10 or more minutes.  At that point, we usually switch and the same problem occurs.  My initial thought was that we were both nervous, and that could still be the case, but I would still like your advice. Thanks ­Matt

Dear Matt,
We are not sure what you are concerned about ­ is it the time that it takes?  10 minutes is basically typical.  For some people it takes 5 minutes ­ others 20 or more.  Being nervous may contribute to it taking a while to orgasm, but we do not think that you should be so focused on time or a number ­ but more on pleasure and joy and living in the moment.  Don’t worry so much about how long other people are taking or how long you are taking ­ just relax and enjoy your relationship and your experience. Shan & Claude

HTHGS: Blow Jobs (written by Shannon & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
Hi, I am Namy, and I would like to now about the Blow Job. My boyfriend likes a blow job, but I am not able to suck for  a longer , and in this he gets an erection but then subsides as I stop and start ,as my mouth starts aching, and also dries, for which I drink water or pour water on his penis .This makes him irritated. How do I give him a good blow job, and make him keep his erection and how do I keep my tongue wet? Regards, Namrata

Dear Namrata,
We think that if you keep the penis and your tongue inside your mouth while “giving head.” We also recommend that you stay hydrated. If this dryness problem continues use some kind of flavored lubricant or food to help you and him out! You may want to watch erotica/porn to view various techniques. Shan & Claude  




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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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