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HTHGS: Pleasuring a Woman
Given that many people feel uncomfortable talking about sex, it is likely that direct questions could be met with vague responses. Do not despair. Vague responses are to be expected. Thus, as the learner, you will need to develop some better skills at seeking the type of information that you need. For example, you could begin by asking your partner the following questions:
Another line of questioning entails what I call the "A / B game". To play the A/B game after each type of touch, ask your partner if she prefers the stimulation from choice A or choice B better. For example, choice A could be rapidly licking your partners clitoris, while choice B could be rubbing your partners clitoris with your finger. Whichever choice your partner prefers then becomes choice A. Choice B will then be a different type of touch. For example, it could be you slowly rubbing your partners clitoris with your tongue. The A/B game works very well because it tends to be much easier for a person to say which type of touch they like better, then to have to actually name something in particular.
Types of stimulation that you could try to use for stimulating your partners genitals
All of the above types of stimulation can also be used to stimulate her breasts, her finger tips, inner thighs . . . .
If you are still having difficulty mastering the art of pleasuring your partner and you are feeling a little frisky, try asking her if you can observe her masturbate. Then ask her if you can observe her masturbate with sex toys. Sometimes watching a your girlfriends technique can give you some better pointers than just verbal explanations. Once you think you have gotten the hang of what she is doing, try joining in on her fun. Maybe add some tongue stimulation as she touches herself, or hold the vibrator as she stimulates her clitoris. Another way to learn about your partners body is to ask your partner to guide your hands with hers. Having her guide your hands may help her to better "explain" what types of touch feel good. written by Alex Robboy, LSW
HTHGS: How to please a woman
Not all women are alike.
Everyone is different. What works for one woman may not work for another. So
before you begin the quest of trying to please your woman, take a deep breath
and relax. You are starting from a
disadvantage and it is unrealistic to think that you automatically will know
what to do to please her, let alone get it right the first time.
What you can do is use your mistakes as learning opportunities. One can
learn just as much from ‘mistakes’ as from ‘successes’. However, to do
so requires communication.
Communication happens in
many different ways. The best communication comes from a compilation of using
direct and indirect techniques.
The direct method
focuses on verbal communication. Typically
direct communication consists of asking your partner what they like and dislike.
For example, “What turns you on? Do you like flowers? Am I spending
enough time with you? What is your normal style, are you someone who likes to
plan things in advance or are you more comfortable arranging things last minute?
Do you like anal sex? Do you want to have sex with me” In addition to asking
behavioral questions, you may want to ask questions that address the feelings
behind the behaviors. For example, instead of asking if your partner likes it
when you call every night, you could ask her what does my calling every night
mean to you? Does your calling every night may get interpreted as a sign that
you are very smitten by her, jealous and checking up on her, lonely or
considerate. Maybe she thinks you know that she has an abandonment
issues and needs lots of reassurance.
method of communication focuses on observation.
How does your partner respond to your using long slow tongue movements on
her clitoris? How is she moving her hips to guide your tongue? What is she doing
with her hands, is she trying to signal you to go faster or slower? Is she
beginning to breath harder? Is her heartbeat quickening? When you talk about
anal sex, does she act embarrassed? How does she signal she wants to become
sexual with you? One of the best methods of discovering what a partner likes in
bed is through simple observation of how they touch you. Often people touch
others based on the way that they want to be touched. Thus, try mirroring her
behaviors and chances are that she will think that you are an amazing lover.
For those of you
who are still stuck and need some more specific ideas / ideas, try the
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|September 6, 2006|