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Past Tips


   Pleasuring a woman

  • Making the woman feel good (Written by Erika Pluhar)

  • Pleasuring a woman (by other sexperts)


HTHGS: Making the woman feel good (Written by Erika Pluhar)

 Ask Erika,

I Just have some questions about sex, This is the first time I have ever like wrote an e-mail to someone asking for advice so please bare with me.  Last night my girlfriend told me that intercourse doesn't really do anything for her.  I mean she says that it feels good but I get more pleasure from it then she does!  She also said that the only time she has an orgasm is when I'm fingering her or when she's grinding on me!  My question is this, is there any way to give her an orgasm through intercourse?  I mean I would like to think that I could use my "Tool" (penis) To give her pleasure! And another thing what is the G-spot and how can I stimulate it? And If I do will it feel good to her? And can I stimulate her g-spot with my "Tool"!! (Penis) Thanks I hope you understood every thing I ask! I'm sorry if I sound dumb or anything! Please write back! Sincerely BJ ; - )


Dear Jerry,

Thank you for writing to  No sex questions are ever dumb!  As I've said before to others, we live in a culture where there isn't much open conversation or education about sexuality, so many people have questions and need information.

That said, most women don't orgasm from the penile thrusting ALONE during intercourse.  So, you're not doing anything wrong.  Since your girlfriend orgasms from you fingering her (I assume that means rubbing her clitoris) and from her grinding on you (which also involves stimulating her clitoris), she is probably like most women and needs clitoral stimulation in order to climax.  This is normal.  There are some women who can orgasm just through vaginal penetration and thrusting.  But even for the majority of women who climax during intercourse, the clitoris is often involved through contact with the other person's body, self-stimulation in conjunction with intercourse, or the use of a vibrator.  There are some positions you and your girlfriend can try that might involve her clitoris more during intercourse.  The woman-on-top position (probably the one you two use when she's grinding on you) might help.  Also, you lying on your back and she on hers (so that her clitoris can be stimulated by her, you, or with a vibrator) may also help.  Make sure to talk to each other openly about what feels good so you can know if you're on the right track rather than guessing.

The G-spot, or Grafenburg spot, is a spot on the inside, front wall of the vagina that some (but not all) women find arousing when stimulated by a finger, penis, or dildo.  Stimulating the g-spot can lead to orgasm for some women and, in a small percentage of women, can lead to ejaculation of a clear fluid (it is not urine) from the urethra.  You and your girlfriend may want to experiment with stimulating this area to see what feels good.  You may make a new discovery.  But, if it turns out that her clitoris is the ultimate source of pleasure for her, that's perfectly normal.  Everyone is different and derives pleasure from different types of touching, activities, and stimulation.  The best way to understand each other is to communicate! Best of luck, Erika



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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September 19, 2006