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Past Tips


Lasting too long

  • Lasting too long (written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS)

  • Helping him cum (written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS)

HTHGS: Lasting too long (written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS)

Ask Alex,
The past few times that my girlfriend and I have had sex, I either ended up lasting about 45 min-1 hour, or we gave up and she finished me off with oral sex because I was taking so long and it became painful for her.  Is this strange, or is it something that is normal? Sincerely,
Long Lasting

Dear Lasting longer,
Your situation, while unpleasant is normal.  Some men, like women have a difficult time having an orgasm. There are two primary ways to deal with this situation. First, stop using an orgasm as the defining moment of when “sex” stops.  This means that sometimes you will stop engaging in oral sex and/or intercourse prior ejaculation. Try switching from intercourse, to quite conversations to breast stimulation, to snuggling, anal sex, to toe sucking to manual genital stimulation etc. The point is, change the order.  The final moment is not ejaculation.  The final moment is when you reach a combination of the physical stimulation and intimacy that develops between two people sharing their mind and bodies together. If you are still having trouble with this, try setting an alarm clock, that way you will stop “trying” before either one of you becomes discouraged. The second way of approaching this type of situation is to ask yourself what you are thinking about during intercourse. Many men (and women) who ‘last too long’ have difficulty maintaining focus on the pleasurable aspects of stimulation. Sometimes people become too obsessed on the actual moment of ejaculation, so they try to hurry themselves, thus no longer being able to enjoy the build-up. Others find their mind wandering to sports, work related stresses, dislikes about self or partner and some even on how ‘dirty’ sex is.  If this is the case for you, then each time you find your mind wandering stop what you are doing. Ask your partner to help you keep focused. Have her read a sexual fantasy to you, or whisper sexual thoughts in your ear. Get verbal together.  

This tip was written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS

HTHGS: Helping him cum (written by Alex Robboy, LSW)

Ask Alex,
My boyfriend and I started having sex a couple of months ago, and although I nearly always orgasm during intercourse (which is funny, since I really don’t often from oral sex or masturbation), he doesn't. He has some health problems, and tends to tire pretty quickly. He always makes sure that I orgasm before we stop, but after I do, he usually comes manually (with my helping). (For reference, he has no problem coming from masturbation or oral sex). Do you know of any tips that I/we can do to help him come, maybe more quickly, but during intercourse? It doesn't make a difference to my enjoyment, or coming from it, but I want him to have the same from it that I do. Thanks in advance, Jehanne"

Dear Jehanne, 
To help your partner cum during sex you could …..
a) squeeze your PC muscles .... you should also do many PC strengthening exercises to strengthen them
b) when you are on top ..... you should lay almost on your thighs so you knees/legs are at a 120 degree angle and squeeze your inner thighs
c) He should squeeze his PC muscles
d) you could teach him how to cum during sex by switching to intercourse right before he about to cum during oral sex
e) you could have him masturbate while you are having intercourse with him
f) you could engage in anal play with him while having intercourse
g) you could also ask him if he has had this problem with all women... or just with you... this way you can start to identify what is happening... what is the origin of the problem (though.... it doesn't really sound like a problem.) Alex Robboy, LSW



Ejaculation Orgasm The G-spot
Male Ejaculation The Male Orgasm Locating the Male G-spot
Female Ejaculation The Female Orgasm  Locating the Female G-spot



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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