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How
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Past Tips |
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Lasting too
long
-
Lasting
too long (written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS)
-
Helping
him cum (written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS)
HTHGS:
Lasting too long (written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS)
Ask Alex,
The past few times that my girlfriend and I have had sex, I either ended up
lasting about 45 min-1 hour, or we gave up and she finished me off with oral sex
because I was taking so long and it became painful for her. Is this
strange, or is it something that is normal? Sincerely,
Long Lasting
Dear Lasting longer,
Your situation, while unpleasant is normal.
Some men, like women have a difficult time having an orgasm. There are
two primary ways to deal with this situation. First, stop using an orgasm as the
defining moment of when “sex” stops. This
means that sometimes you will stop engaging in oral sex and/or intercourse prior
ejaculation. Try switching from intercourse, to quite conversations to breast
stimulation, to snuggling, anal sex, to toe sucking to manual genital
stimulation etc. The point is, change the order.
The final moment is not ejaculation.
The final moment is when you reach a combination of the physical
stimulation and intimacy that develops between two people sharing their mind and
bodies together. If you are still having trouble with this, try setting an alarm
clock, that way you will stop “trying” before either one of you becomes
discouraged. The second way of approaching this type of situation is to ask
yourself what you are thinking about during intercourse. Many men (and women)
who ‘last too long’ have difficulty maintaining focus on the pleasurable
aspects of stimulation. Sometimes people become too obsessed on the actual
moment of ejaculation, so they try to hurry themselves, thus no longer being
able to enjoy the build-up. Others find their mind wandering to sports, work
related stresses, dislikes about self or partner and some even on how
‘dirty’ sex is. If this is the
case for you, then each time you find your mind wandering stop what you are
doing. Ask your partner to help you keep focused. Have her read a sexual fantasy
to you, or whisper sexual thoughts in your ear. Get verbal together.
This
tip was written by Alex Robboy, LCSW, CAS
HTHGS:
Helping him cum (written by Alex Robboy, LSW)
Ask Alex,
My boyfriend and I started having sex a couple of months ago, and although I
nearly always orgasm during intercourse (which is funny, since I really don’t
often from oral sex or masturbation), he doesn't. He has some health problems,
and tends to tire pretty quickly. He always makes sure that I orgasm before we
stop, but after I do, he usually comes manually (with my helping). (For
reference, he has no problem coming from masturbation or oral sex). Do you know
of any tips that I/we can do to help him come, maybe more quickly, but during
intercourse? It doesn't make a difference to my enjoyment, or coming from it,
but I want him to have the same from it that I do. Thanks in advance, Jehanne"
Dear Jehanne,
To help your partner cum during sex you could
…..
a) squeeze your PC muscles .... you should also do many PC strengthening
exercises to strengthen them http://www.howtohavegoodsex.com/locating_your_pc_muscle.htm
b) when you are on top ..... you should lay almost on your thighs so you
knees/legs are at a 120 degree angle and squeeze your inner thighs
c) He should squeeze his PC muscles
d) you could teach him how to cum during sex by switching to intercourse right
before he about to cum during oral sex
e) you could have him masturbate while you are having intercourse with him
f) you could engage in anal play with him while having intercourse
g) you could also ask him if he has had this problem with all women... or just
with you... this way you can start to identify what is happening... what is the
origin of the problem (though.... it doesn't really sound like a problem.) Alex
Robboy, LSW
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