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 Clitoral stimulation
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.


HTHGS: How to finger a woman (written by Shan&Claude)

Ask Shan&Claude ,
I am not very old, and I am very curious. I just recently started dating a girl, and she wants me to finger her. I have never done this before. My question is, how do I do this, so that I do it right??

Dear “I’m not very old…how do I do it right?”
There is a stipulation that you must be 21 to ask questions on this website.  Hey, it sounds like a twenty-one year old question – so we will be happy to answer your question. Of course some young women enjoy being “fingered” but generally speaking, many females do not get an incredible amount of pleasure from penetration (putting a finger inside the vagina).  We are not sure exactly what your partner would enjoy but we would guess that she would be more pleasured if you stimulated (messaged and rubbed) her clitoris since the majority of women orgasm from stimulation of the clitoris.  There are many books and pictures that illustrate exactly where the clitoris is located.  If she was on her back with her legs spread her clitoris would be between her legs at the “top” where her labia meet in what looks like a small “hood.”  There is a technique where you could slide your finger over her clitoris as you insert it into her vagina.  On the howtohavegoodsex website there are some Sex Tips about the clitoris and orgasm that may be able to help you out.  If you feel comfortable you may ask her to let you watch her masturbate or masturbate together so that you may observe what she enjoys and how she “gets off.”  The best way to know how to pleasure someone is to ask.  If you can not talk about the things that you are doing with her you may not be ready to do those things.  Communication is always an incredibly important component of any relationship.  In research we have seen that the vast majority of people are very relieved when their partners bring up sexual histories and issues around sexuality (
89% report they would be glad if their partner brought the subject up; 87% said they would feel respected; 86% reported they would feel relieved; and 84% reported they would feel cared for).  In other words – most people want to talk about sexual issues with their partner but are hoping that the other person brings it up!  We encourage you to be the one to initiate conversations about such wonderful topics. Have lots of fun communicating, Shan&Claude


HTHGS: Clitoral Stimulation (Written by Shan&Claude)

Ask Shan&Claude,
This is more of a clitoral stimulation question.  My lover and I often have sex in the missionary position.  I was just wondering if there is more clitoral stimulation when I am laying on top of her or when I hold my self up with my arms fully extended.  I am 6 foot 3 inches tall and my arms are about 3 feet long (give or take a few in).

I also had one other question, which might be kind of silly. I am interested in measuring my penis, but do not know where to stop measuring; whether to stop when is reaches my scrotum or what. Thank You-D

Dear clitoral stimulation question,
Everyone has different bodies.  One woman may get more stimulation from one position than another.  You will have to ask her which feels better. Generally, women report that they get very little clitoral stimulation from intercourse - only about 30% of women orgasm from penile-vaginal intercourse.  We have also read that of the women who orgasm from intercourse they tend to be on top of their partner.  Again ­ regardless of research the best way to know is to ask her what feels best!

 In regard to measuring ­ there are actually clubs that may be able to answer “how to measure” better.  There is a club called “The Hung Jury.”  We do not have any contact information, but we are sure they could be found on the web easily.  Some people say to measure the bottom side of the penis and others measure the top.  We have never really concerned ourselves with penis length.  We have always been of the camp that believes that sex is more about pleasure, communication, and intimacy than it is about numbers of orgasms, length of penis, size of bust, how many times a week, etc…Hope that helps ­ Shan&Claude



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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