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 Duration of Intercourse

HTHGS:  Duration of intercourse (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
My name is Oded, 21 years old and I must say that I learn a lot from your newsletter. My question is about duration of intercourse:

Through practice and reading your tips I can miraculously last 14 to 21 minutes in bed with my one and only *love*, my fiancé. My fiancé seems to be much more satisfied now and I also feel better about myself. My concern though is that I actually might be hurting her or making the intercourse less enjoyable for her because I always thought that length of intercourse of an average couple is somewhere around 4 to 8 minutes. I should also add that during this quarter of an hour it is not all thrusting but I take short breaks (few seconds) to kiss her and let her know that I *LOVE* her and also I can stop anytime that I want and let my body have an orgasm, but I am worried that lasting this long might not be healthy. So I am baffled and worried and in great need of an answer from you. Yours truly, Oded


Dear Oded,
If you are concerned that you may be hurting your partner or making her uncomfortable the best thing we could suggest is that you ask her.  From you e-mail you sound like a considerate partner.  Why not find out from her if penetration feels good to her and how long is too long and so forth?  There is not really a time that is too short or too long – that will depend on you and your partner.  For some couple one second could be too long – and for others one second would not be satisfying!  We strongly encourage you to ask your partner how it is for her.  If you discover the penetration is not hurting her, but you are still concerned you may want to use some lubricant.  There are a variety of styles and brands.  You may have a great time figuring out which type you and your partner enjoy the most!  If you are using latex condoms (which we highly encourage!) you will need to use a water-based lubricant or the condom may break.  If you still are concerned, think of this – we have a friend who is on an anti-depressant and him and his partner frequently have intercourse for 4 hours straight and they both enjoy it.  On one occasion they almost used an entire new bottle of lube.  Communication with her will hopefully clear-up any confusion or fears about the “time factor.” Communication can make sex better, Shan & Claude



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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