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  • Having difficulty putting his penis into my vagina. Help (written by Dr. Pluhar)

  • Intercourse

  • Virgins & Virginity  

  • Getting it in (written by Dr. Pluhar)

  • How to orgasm during intercourse (written by Dr. Pluhar)

HTHGS: Having difficulty putting his penis into my vagina. Help (written by Dr. Pluhar)

Ask Erika,
If you can answer this for me, I'll love you SO much (not that I don't already think you're awesome). My boyfriend and I tried to have sex this morning (first time for both of us), and his penis just wouldn't go inside of me. We used a lubricated condom, and I was plenty wet, but it just didn't work. I also didn't experience any pain- so should I try harder? It kept slipping out from... where it's supposed to be. We have a great relationship, and both of us laughed about it, but I would really appreciate some advice on how we can get it to work. Thank you so so much! --Leah

Dear Leah,
Thanks for your question!  First let me say that it's great that you and your boyfriend were able to handle what might have been a stressful situation in a lighthearted manner.  This indicates to me that you are open and trusting with one another and committed to figuring out a solution.  It also sounds like you've covered your bases in terms of condoms and lubrication, so you are on the right track.

Was your boyfriend's penis fully erect when you tried to have intercourse?  I ask this because if it is partially erect it sometimes can be difficult to insert the penis into the vagina.  If it wasn't, you may want to try stimulating his penis more before intercourse (e.g., with your hand or mouth, or he could masturbate himself).  You might also try a different position.  If you were in the "missionary" position (him on top, you on your back), try reversing it so that you are on top on him.  This can offer you more control over the positioning of your vaginal opening and his penis.  Use your hand(s) to direct the penis and hold it in place until you feel comfortable.  Remember, this is a new "arrangement" for your two bodies; give yourself some time to adjust.  The last thing I would suggest is that once you insert the penis, you might want to try just holding still before moving around or thrusting.  This way you can get used to the sensation of intercourse.  When you do move, start slowly and keep communicating throughout to tell each other what you like and don't like.  With time and communication, I bet you will figure it out together! Hope this helps, Erika

HTHGS: Getting it in (written by Dr. Pluhar)

Ask Dr. Erika Pluhar,
My b/f and I have been going out for a while now.  It is the first time for both of us. We just recently tried having sex but for some reason, I cannot seem to get it in. His penis is quite thick. I do not know if that is the problem or if the problem is because there is something with my hole. We have tried different positions but it just does not seem to work and I got a slight cut by my hole. Can you please give me some advice on this situation and tell me if its possible for my hole to be small since I m quite small and thin myself. Small & thin

Dear Small & Thin,
Most girls are born with a thin membrane, called a hymen, that partially or totally covers the vaginal opening.  Oftentimes, during childhood and adolescence, the hymen is broken or stretched from activities such as sports, or from tampon use.  It may be that yours is still partially intact and that is making it difficult for your partner's penis to enter your vaginal opening.  If his penis is thick, I would recommend starting with fingers (yours or his) and SLOWLY entering your vagina, adding a finger as you feel comfortable.  Using a water- or silicone-based lubricant (such as Astroglide, KY Jelly, or Eros) may help make it easier and maybe less uncomfortable for you.  Once you feel comfortable with fingers, then try his penis again.  Again lubrication and condom (which is also important to protect you both against sexually transmitted infections) can help make it easier for his penis to enter your vagina.  Go slow and communicate with each other about how it feels along the way.
 Good luck, Dr. Erika Pluhar


HTHGS How to orgasm during intercourse (Written by Dr. Pluhar)

Ask Dr. Erika Pluhar,
I have a question about sex for you.  My girlfriend and me have been having sex for a while now and I can't get her to have an orgasm with me being inside of her.  I can however give her an orgasm with my hand by rubbing her but not while actually having sex.  It's been really bugging me because I shouldn't be the only one having an orgasm during the actual sexual intercourse.  Now I heard, but Iím not sure that their are two separate things inside of a female and if you go into the wrong area she won't be able to have an orgasm.  I don't know if that is true or not and I feel like Iím doing something wrong.  I hope that you can help me. Thanks a lot, I hope to hear from you soon. Rob

Dear Ron,
Thank you for your question.  First of all, it's perfectly normal that your girlfriend doesn't experience orgasm from your penile thrusting alone.  In fact, many women need clitoral stimulation alone or in addition to vaginal stimulation to have an orgasm.  So, rest assured that neither of you are doing anything wrong.  There are some positions you can try that will increase clitoral friction.  The woman-on-top position allows her pelvic area to push against yours and gives her control over the speed, motion, etc.  This may make her more likely to orgasm with you inside of her.  You may also try a position in which you are both lying on your sides, leaving hands free to stimulate the clitoris.  You might also try adding a vibrator during sex, so that she can stimulate herself while you thrust.  The most important thing is that you recognize that you're not doing anything wrong.  Just keep communication about what feels good open and broaden your perspective on what is pleasurable.  We live in a society that is very goal-oriented about sex--if both people don't experience mutual, multiple, simultaneous orgasms during intercourse, it's almost as if we've failed. But it doesn't have to be that way.  The best thing about sex is that there isn't one right way to do it.  Everybody has things that feel better to him or her than others.  Remember, the brain is ultimately our biggest sex organ so use your imagination!!

As for your question about two separate things inside a female, I think you are referring to the g-spot.  On the front wall of the vagina, about two inches in, is some spongy tissue.  In some women, this spot can become very sensitive when sexually aroused and stimulated by a finger, penis, or other object.  Some women can rub the g-spot and experience orgasm (either with or without clitoral stimulation).  Some women even experience ejaculation from g-spot stimulation (it looks like urine but it isn't).  Remember, though, that the g-spot does not have the same sensitivity in all women and some women may not feel like they have a sensitive spot there at all.  For these women, the clitoris is the most important spot for pleasure.  The best approach is to ask your woman and find out what feels good for her! I hope this helps, Dr. Erika Pluhar



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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September 6, 2006