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Letter to the editor,
I’m really enjoying the newsletter. Thanks for expanding our minds! The answer you gave “horny and confused” left out some information, I thought I’d bring it up. The behaviors he’s describing in his girlfriend are classic symptoms of Incest or CSA survivors. Often survivors of sexual abuse will become very sexual, very quickly even to the point of being inappropriately sexual. This is often followed by not wanting to be touched once the relationship is ‘secured’. As a survivor myself, I know that recovery is possible, desirable and even joyful. It is also very painful and can take a lifetime to overcome completely. If “horny and confused” is indeed in a relationship with a survivor, he needs to be aware that the ‘normal’ rules of sexual conduct do not apply to this relationship. Being the partner of an incest survivor is very difficult and very confusing. A good book for partners is “Allies in Healing” by Ellen Bass. This book pulls no punches, it cautions partners to think long and hard about continuing relationships with recovering survivors. “Horny and confused” might want to get out of the sexual relationship and support his girlfriend as “just a friend” depending on how deep his feelings for her run. Be aware also that because Incest is taboo and our culture ignores it, she might insist that whatever abuse might have occurred was “no big deal” and she’s “over it”. Obviously, she is not. Just to make things more confusing (and more honest), many survivors have no real memories of the abuse, just the symptoms. She may not even realize that she’s a survivor, yet. (note: “False Memory Syndrome” is an insult to those of us who have been down the incest recovery path. The science behind it reeks of corruption and lies. before assuming that those of us who cannot remember our abuse are liars or fools) There are some wonderful support groups for both incest survivors and their partners out here on the Web. I wish both “horny and confused” and his girlfriend the best and hope that this can help someone, somewhere to better understand why so many of us out here haven’t a clue what “normal” sexuality is.

Letter to the editor,
reading the above letter was amazing thank you to the person who wrote it. I am really interested in this subject as I am a survivor perhaps still working through things but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I wont to get there with what ever it brings. the writer mentioned some web sites for this subject have been unable to find them would be grateful for any suggestions and to the systems of the survivor.
Thank you

Deceit (written by Alex Robboy & other sexperts)

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc. Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist. Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved.
The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website.

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