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Sex for the first time
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
- Sex for the
first time (written by Kelly Connell MS.Ed)
-
Having
sex with a virgin (written by Kelly Connell MS.Ed)
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How
to make sex hurt less
(written by Kelly Connell, MS.Ed.)
-
Extreme
pain (written by Kelly Connell, MS.Ed)
-
My
boyfriend is a virgin (written by Kelly Connell, MS.Ed)
- Intercourse
(written by other sexperts)
HTHGS:
Sex for the first time (written by Kelly Connell MS.Ed)
Dear Kelly,
I am about to have sex for the first time with my girlfriend. I am nervous as
hell because I am virgin and I am not sure what to do. I would like for you to
give me advice on just what should I do and how to do it. Sincerely, Ryan
Dear Ryan,
Having sex for the first time is a big deal. However, there are no magic
formulas to make it a success. You do not mention if our girlfriend is
also a virgin.
The best advice I can give
you is to take your time. Learn about each other, explore each other's bodies
through touch, kissing etc. Communication is the best ingredient for
good sex. Ask her what she would like or if something you are doing feels good.
Tell her when she is pleasing you or what you would like to try.
If it is the first time for
both of you, be sure to take it easy when you enter her for the first time. It
may be uncomfortable for her if her hymen (a thin membrane in the vagina) has
not been broken. Make sure she is lubricated enough.
Most people do not have
mind blowing sex the first time. They are nervous and still getting to
know each other and now they have a whole new way to get to know each other.
The good news is that, sex
can get better and better the more you learn about each other and communicate.
It takes a lot of trust to share your body with someone so it is important that
you respect each other and only engage in activities that you BOTH agree on.
If you don't want to get
pregnant, be sure to use a reliable method of birth control AND condoms. Relax
and let your instincts guide you. Good luck!
Kelly
Connell, MS.Ed
HTHGS:
Having sex with a virgin (written by Kelly)
Ask Kelly,
Hi I am18 years old and I need advice from someone professional about this. Well I am not a virgin but my girlfriend is and I have never
had experience with a virgin before and me and my girlfriend have been together
for 6 months and 2 months ago we decided to try to have sex and finger her and
everything but when it comes time to have sex the most it will go in is like and
inch and it kill sher we try so many times what do I do can u please help me.
Answer:
I can think of a couple of things that may be causing this problem. You
say you finger your girlfriend but you don't say for how long. It can take
more time than people realize for a woman to be physically ready to have
intercourse. The vagina needs to lubricate but it also needs to open and enlarge
to accommodate a penis. So the first thing you might try is more foreplay.
Does she say she feels ready to have you inside her? Try taking it slow, a
little at a time.
Second, your girlfriend may
still have her hymen in tact. The hymen is a thin membrane inside the
vagina. Sometimes something as simple as inserting a tampon during a
woman's period will break it. Sometimes it is thinker and stronger than
usual and the woman has to see a doctor and have it broken.
This
is usually not painful and only takes an office visit. You may have heard
the old wives tale about blood on the bed sheets on the wedding night being
proof that the bride was a virgin. Supposedly that was because the hymen
was not ruptured until the wedding night and it caused bleeding. When in
fact, bleeding during intercourse is not a sign of virginity since the hymen can
be broken so easily from everyday activities. I would recommend she make an
appointment with a GYN for an exam. A woman should do this once she becomes
sexually active any way and if you are not already using it, the doctor can
supply you both with condoms and an effective method of birth control so you
don't get pregnant. During the exam the doctor can determine if her hymen
is still in tact and if so take care of it. If you are not 18 or over and
you are concerned about confidentiality or money, you can be seen at any family
planning clinic like Planned Parenthood for free and they cannot tell your
parents. Just look in the yellow pages under birth control or family
planning. The main thing is to be patient. While you are waiting to see the
doctor, there are other sexual activities you can enjoy. Good luck! Kelly
Connell
HTHGS: How to make sex hurt less
(written by Kelly Connell MS.Ed.)
Ask Kelly,
I am 18 years old and just recently had sex for the first time. The first
time we had sex, it hurt a little but then the pain went away and I was
expecting it to feel good, but it didn't feel like nothing. We've have had sex
five times since our first time and I still don't feel anything. Is this
normal? Is it me or is my partner (who was also a virgin) doing something
wrong? Please help!
Dear Melissa,
What you are experiencing is a normal occurrence for many people once they
become sexually active.
The pain you are describing was most likely your hymen
breaking. The hymen is a thin membrane in the vagina that all women are
born with, but doesn't really serve any purpose :) It can be broken by
many things, such as inserting a tampon or finger into the vagina or even riding
a bike and the woman usually never even knows this has occurred. Many
women experience a small amount of bleeding but many do not. If the
membrane is still intact when you first have sex, then it will be broken then
and it may cause a little pain or discomfort.
Also keep in mind that you are just getting used to having a
penis inside you and it can take a while to feel comfortable with that. Be sure
you have enough foreplay. The vagina needs to lubricate for intercourse
but it also needs to open and expand. Using a finger may help this process
along and may feel pleasurable.
As far as feeling pleasurable goes...again what you are
experiencing is perfectly normal for a variety of reasons. I know there is
an idea out there that the first time you have sex it is supposed to be a
mind-blowing experience, but most women state their first time is not
pleasurable and is often uncomfortable and even painful. The good news is,
is that it can only get better. As you and your boyfriend continue to have
sex and explore each other's bodies and what feels good it can improve. Take you
time, touch each other, learn what you each like.
Many women do not get a lot of pleasure from intercourse
itself. The vagina does not have many nerve endings, so there is not a lot
of stimulation. Most women state they get a great deal of pleasure from
oral sex, or having their clitoris stimulated with a tonge or finger, and this
is how they reach orgasm. You did not mention whether you and your partner have
tried this.
Neither you or your partner have done anything
wrong. A good, healthy sex life is something that everyone has to work at.
Try these things and if you have any more questions, please email me. By the
way... I hope you are using a reliable method of birth control if you do not
wish to be pregnant right now! Kelly
HTHGS: Extreme pain (written by Kelly
Connell MS.Ed)
Ask Kelly,
I'm writing you because I need to know a few things!!
Please help!! I am a 23 year old male who is going to be married to the
girl of my dreams in November. My
fiancé will be 22 in April. A few
months ago we made the decision to have sex for the first time. We were both virgins and we were so eager to move to the next
level. After about 3 times of
trying not on the same day, we would try, wait a few days, try again, wait a few
days. we decided to give it up for a little while.
My fiancé went through extreme pain every time and I wasn't able to go
any further.
Finally, about a month ago, we tried again.
This time is seemed to work. Even
though she was in much pain, I was able to slide inside of her further than ever
and she told me to keep going. We
proceeded to have intercourse until I ejaculated in her (using a condom of
course, and yes she is on BC). She
had some bleeding and soreness afterwards, but eventually this stopped.
So naturally we thought we had broken her hymen because of the bleeding.
Now a month later, this being the first time since the last time that
we've gotten alone, we attempted to have sex again.
This time it did not go so well. We
tried again, but again, there was extreme pain, according to her it was worse. I then attempted to finger her to try and stretch the opening
but this did not work as she was still in pain.
Frustrated more than ever, we both gave up. I am very concerned about
this as is she. She is very worried
that this is the way it's going to be every time and her confidence is beginning
to fade. We have tried to use
lubrication but this doesn't seem to work.
One thing that she has told me is that she's never been able to use a
tampon, that the pain is too bad. I
do know she is very small down there as my ex wasn't as small as she is.
Can you tell me anything we can do to make this go a little more
smoothly? Anything I can do at
least? We love each other so much
and we want to enjoy having sex but it just isn't going the way it seems like it
should. I would appreciate your
help. Thank you so much and I will
look forward to hearing from you!! Sincerely, Justin in NC
Justin,
Your fiancé needs to see a GYN to determine if her hymen has indeed been
broken. Sometimes a woman's hymen is very touch and large and difficult to break
completely and needs to be done by a doctor. This is not abnormal, just a
physical anomaly. That is why she
may have never been able to use tampons in the past either.
Also, anytime someone, male or female has pain with intercourse, they
need to see a doc and make sure nothing is physically wrong.
It sounds like you two have tried all the right
things and that you have been very patient and loving.
Sometimes, when a woman has a small vagina and a man has a large penis,
it takes a few times for the vagina to learn to accommodate it. you may want to
try different positions such as her getting on top where she can control the
amount of penetration. Then she can
slowly take in as much of your penis as she feels comfortable with. I hope this
helps! Kelly
HTHGS: My
boyfriend is a virgin (Kelly Connell MS.Ed.)
Ask Kelly,
I have had sex before but my boyfriend has not. He
wants to have sex but the few times I have had sex with a virgin, I get so
bored. Plus, he is scrawny and I am a medium build, I think it would be
weird. Please help me!!!! Melissa-
Dear Melissa,
First of all, being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of but sometimes when one
partner is a virgin and one is not, it can be awkward when you start having sex.
There are all types of bodies out there and sometimes people surprise you. You
may think it may not be enjoyable because he has a "scrawny" build,
but he may turn out to be the best lover you have every had. There must be some
attraction there in the first place or you would not be interested in each
other. If you are experienced and he is not, you may have to take the lead and
tell him what you would like. Sex is something that can always get better as you
learn what pleases each other and explore each other's bodies. If you think you
will be bored, try something new that you have never done before. Try a
different position or having sex in a different place. Go to a hotel and
have a romantic evening with room service and a bubble bath. Variety is the
spice of life and it is up to BOTH partners to work to make you sex life
pleasurable, no matter who has had sex before and how many times.
However, if you are having any doubts about having sex with
this person then maybe you should consider waiting until you are sure it is
something you want to do. Sex is not an emergency and no one ever died from not
having it. You are not obligated to have sex with anyone. You should do it
when you are ready because YOU want to. There is nothing wrong with
waiting until you get to know each other better and there are other things you
can do sexually besides intercourse. If you do decide to have sex remember to
use a good contraceptive and condoms!
I hope this helps! Kelly Connell MS.Ed.
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