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Wanting More Sex
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

HTHGS: Wanting more sex

Ask Shan & Claude,
My wife refuses to have sex with me. Since last summer we have done it a handful of times. That usually resulted in her crying before the act was complete. I have had a string of job changes in the last 5 years due to luck, economy, politics, etc.. Now I have found an ideal job for myself. Things are going well there. She however is slow to come around. She says she needs time, 6 months- less maybe more. I just can’t put my testosterone on hold. Every day I sleep next to the women I love. We both sleep in our underwear. I am very frustrated. I love my wife in every way. I make nice diners, buy her flowers, take her out to diner, buy her nightgowns, etc.. Conversations eventually turn to sex because I must fix this problem. We can't survive with no sex. I married my mate not my partner to help with the kids. We have 2 boys ages 2 and 5. They are great. We both work professional jobs and we have been married 6 years. I understand jobs, kids, length of marriage, and stress can all slow things down but this is absurd. I have always had the bigger libido and I look at sex as an expression of love as well as a hobby or past time. I like quickies as well as long playful experimental session and little of every thing in between when the times are right. I just can't go any longer and I may have to move out. How can I sleep next to the women I love every night barely clothed and not mate with here. I love her and miss her. But enough is enough. Please help!!!

Dear Please Help,
It is impossible for us to tell you why your wife is crying or reluctant. Only you can find that out.   Have you asked her?  The crying could be from actual physical pain, or emotional pain, tears of pleasure, or a variety of reasons.  Is it possible that she may have had some sort of trauma recently? You seem to love your wife very much.  Show her how much by sitting down and having a heart-to-heart conversation.  Find out if she is okay and what she needs.  Explain to her your needs and that you are worried about her.  You two may have to discuss some of your options: masturbation, lubrication, watching videos, counseling, opening the relationship, etc…  As we frequently recommend you need to communicate with her and find out what is going on for her ­ so that intercourse and outercourse can be pleasurable and wonderful for both of you.



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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