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HTHGS: Lack of sexual satisfaction (written by Shan & Claude MS.Ed.)

Ask Shan & Claude,
Me and my girlfriend have been having sex for about 1 year now and we love doing it, we are in love and happy together My problem is that I do not get as satisfied sexually as my girlfriend does anymore. When we were first were going out we would have sex 1 or 2 times a day, and I loved it...but now we have sex around once a day (when we see each other) and this does not satisfy me, I could easily have sex 2 or 3 times a day ! I find myself masturbating during the day because I am still horny and un-satisfied...I find myself always hounding her for sex and she is never making a move and this really bothers me. I have talked to my girlfriend about this problem but she doesn't take the issue that seriously and sometimes say " your too greedy." Another thing that bothers me is that if we have sex and then 10 minutes later after we finish I feel like some more she is satisfied or tired!  She used to be a lot casual and interested when we first started having sex but now she is more stiff, I can't help being this sexually active it's just the way I am, if feel that she is not that excited by me as they way she used to be. I'm worried this could wreck up our relationship, could you please help me in anyway, I don't mind criticism just as long as it helps my problems.

Dear “hornier than partner,”
You have a very common problem.  Many couples find that the two partners in the relationship do not have exactly the same sexual needs (in terms of numbers or frequency).  We would recommend that you speak with her about ways that you two could mutually remedy the problem.  You could masturbate more, you could talk about you seeking other partners, you could try to discover what is going on regarding her needs and wants and what is going on for her in life and in the relationship.  We would recommend that you do not try to force her to turn up her dial or for you to try to turn down your dial.  You both have different needs and that is okay.  You will have to work together to try to get your individual and mutual needs met.  That is accomplished through communication.  That is not accomplished by trying to change one another’s current sexual setting.  We do not think you are greedy and name calling will not help!  You two are just different.  If it was really different at the beginning of the relationship it may help to study how you and her were also different at the beginning of the relationship and how you may be able to implement some of the things that were present at the beginning that contributed to you being more sexually fulfilled. Shan & Claude



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
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