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 Painful Intercourse
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

HTHGS: Painful Intercourse (Written by Shan&Claude)

 Ask Shannon & Claude,  
My boyfriend and I used to have active sex life. We make love almost everyday. I did not feel any pain when his penis enter my vagina. Nowadays, he has almost lost interest in sex. We make love only occasionally. But recently I feel pain when he tries to enter my vagina (a few centimeters after entrance of the vagina). The pain only last for a few seconds -- then I do not feel the pain anymore even when he repeatedly goes in and out of my vagina and changing positions. Is it normal? Is it due to the fact he has a big penis? Is there a way to reduce / eliminate the short pain? I don't really think it is due to lack of lubrication. My vagina walls produce lubrication easily when I get aroused. I am not sure if he has to make me fully aroused to get a lesser pain when we have intercourse. Hope to get a reply from you. Thanks Rox


Dear Rox,

Our first instinct is that a medical professional should check anything that is repeatedly painful.  If it persists – get it checked out!  You may be a little uncomfortable to speak with someone about it, but it will be worth it if it turns out to be something.  It may just be that you are not lubricated enough or that his initial thrusts are too fast or hard, but pain is a message of your body trying to tell you something.  Make sure to figure out what your body is trying to tell you, okay? Shan & Claude


HTHGS: Painful intercourse (written by Shannon & Claudette MS.Ed.)


Ask Shannon & Claudette~

I imagine it should be you that I write to for a quick question about sex…My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for almost 2 years now, though since we have a long-distance relationship currently, that doesn’t leave much activity… Either way, the sex has been fabulous and we have a really great connection, but last time I saw him, it was suddenly very painful upon entry, but only on the very outer skin, and the pain could sometimes continue afterwards.  I’m curious if all the medicine I was on at the time had caused me to self-lubricate less, or my skin was sensitive, or just because I was sick (I caught a flu-like bug right when I got there) anything else… I will see him again very very soon and I just want this visit to be a pleasant surprise for the both of us…If there is something I can do, or if you think it was just the drugs (which I’m off now) I would love to know. Thank you very much. ~M.E.


Dear ME,

As we don’t know what medicine you are on it is hard for us to determine if it may have influenced your sensation or lubrication during intercourse with your boyfriend.  The body changes…  You may find that as you age you need extra lubrication to have intercourse.  Maybe you were nervous?  Was anything on your mind?  There could be many things that influenced that situation and your pain.  We are sorry that we unable to give you a specific answer.  But, with the limited info we have it is unable to assess what caused it.  But, to go back to one of your original questions ­ yes ­ it is possible that the drugs/medicine that you were on (or are on) may influence your ability to lubricate.         Hope that helps ­ Shan & Claude



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
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