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Sexual Communication Styles Test
The goal of this test is to identify you and your partners preferred communication style in the bedroom.
For those of you who are not good at talking about your likes and dislikes in the bedroom, brace yourself, because you will likely learn some new tricks of the trade.
The first step is to set aside a two hour time period without any competing distractions so that the two of you can ‘take the test.’ This test is progressive, and if you opt to complete all the steps, it will take many two hour periods of times over the course of many days. Please note, we strongly encourage couples to make time to be intimate together. We believe that sex, if done well, is fun and the sexual connection that develops between the couple is part of the glue that holds them together.
The First Stage – A Back Massage: The purpose of starting with a back massage is that lovers tend to feel more comfortable talking about it, than they do with sex. Remember, this test is progressive. The first stage will likely yield most of the answers that you need to identify the answer that you are seeking. However, by progressing through each test, you will learn more, and probably have increasing amounts of fun!
This test is divided into five minute segments. Please follow each step, and follow all the rules.
Hints to giver: Focus on small changes. Your goal is to get feedback. If the types of touch you are giving are too drastically different from one another it is hard to interpret the feedback that you are getting, thus focus on one of the three things
· Changing the speed in which you are touching your partner and nothing else.
· Changing the type of pressure that you are using to touch your partner and nothing else.
· Changing the location of where you are touching your partner by simply an inch, and nothing else.
Now switch roles. The giver becomes the receiver, and the receiver becomes the giver.
After all of the above steps, the initial test is complete. Now it is time to analyze the data so that you can properly identify the preferred form of sexual communication in the bedroom between you and your partner.
After you have completed this exercise, switch roles. The giver becomes the receiver, and the receiver becomes the giver.
Once each person has had the opportunity to give and to receive, answer the following questions
Repeat this test in its entirety three times. This will help you better understand what is your partners typical mode of operation as opposed to a random fluke. Furthermore, by doing it several times, your partner might just get the hang of knowing how to touch you.
Golden Rules of this Communication Test:
· If the person gets close to orgasm, stop, and let the person ‘cool off.’ Then begin again. This entire exercise is a test, not foreplay.
· Do not engage in sex after taking this test. The test is different than sex.
· Practice, practice and more practice. Have fun with it.
· Stage Two: repeat the exercise giving a full back massage.
· Stage Three: repeat the exercise giving a full front massage – no nipples or genitals.
· Stage Four: repeat the exercise focusing on the chest. Hint: do not focus on the nipples. 35 minutes of pure nipple stimulation will turn most people off.
· Stage Five: repeat the exercise focusing on manual stimulation (hand job / digital stimulation).
· Stage Six: repeat the exercise focusing on oral stimulation of the genitals.
· Stage Seven: repeat the exercise while engaging in intercourse. Instead of having a Giver / Receiver, imagine one person being in control, and the other person being a passive recipient.Written by "Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, ACSW, LCSW
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