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(How to have good sex)


HTHGS: Phimosis (written by Amanda Lambros, BA)

Dear Amanda, 
I am myself only 18, and do not consider having sex right now because I donít feel I am ready. The thing I am worried about is my foreskin, I cannot pull it back fully over the head. I have worried about the pain this might cause during penetration. I know I can take action to solve this from other letters I have read, but will it effect me if I don't, because I have to admit I am scared about any sort of action on my penis, and organizing anything. I myself am quite shy and would not want a doctor to know about it, let alone a doctor. I think when Iím older it might be easier, but if I advance further in my relationship before that things could become weird, the last thing I want is not to be able to have sex not because I choose not to, but because I cant. Is it necessary to have it treated, or are there is anything you can suggest to help me cure it of my own methods.   Please contact me, I am worried. 

Dear Worried, 
I'm glad that you wrote. Most men do not acknowledge this particular situation as a 'problem'. It actually has a medical term, which is called PHIMOSIS. This is a condition in which the foreskin of the penis cannot be pulled back and it can also cause painful intercourse. There are a few things that you can do to attempt to solve this problem. The first is actually masturbating and each time that you masturbate, use a significant amount of lubrication and slowly force the foreskin back a little more each time. Overtime, the foreskin should loosen up and slide back without worries. If you've tried this and it doesn't work, the other alternative is actually going to see a surgeon. The surgeon will make a very minute cut in the foreskin which, when healed, will allow the foreskin to slide back.  

 I want to assure you that it will not affect you if you choose to do nothing about the phimosis. Many men live regular and productive lives this way. On the other hand, many men are born with this condition and go through the surgical procedure without minor pain associated with it for a few short weeks.  

 When it comes to having sex, the first thing that I would suggest is to use a condom. This is actually keeping the foreskin in place and would therefore cause absolutely no pain at all, plus the added bonus of preventing possible sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV, HPV and Hepatitis just to name a few. (*I would really suggest using condoms at all times to avoid sexually transmitted diseases) If you choose on the other hand to not use condoms I would suggest using lubrication because this will allow for the penis to enter the vagina with ease whereas if you choose not to use lubrication, this is fact might cause minor to extreme pain (depending on the individual) so it is not suggested.  Hopefully I've answered your question. Have a great and 'safe' day, Amanda



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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