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Intimacy


        Intimacy & menstruation

If you have ever been embarrassed about getting your period or uncomfortable when your partner has gotten her period, this tip is just for you. The key to relaxing and feeling comfortable is knowledge. There are several ways to get information. Read a book, talk to a friend and ask your partner. Creating a dialogue with your partner deepens the connection between the two of you. There are fewer taboo areas. To begin a conversation you may want to begin with easy questions. The following are a list of questions, which most women will divulge to most anyone, that is if someone is willing to ask. Ask your partner about when she first got her period. Most women have vivid first experiences. Maybe she did not know what periods were, maybe she thought she had hurt herself, or maybe she was well prepared with a pad. Ask your partner what her cycles are like. Is she a heavy, medium or light bleeder, is she regular, or does she often skip periods altogether. Does her dietary habits change during menstruation, does her mood change, as in does she get horny, depressed, energized, relaxed, or sad? How did either of you first learn about menstruation? When did each of you first become aware that women bleed once a month? Who told you about puberty? How detailed was your understanding, and what misconceptions did the two of you have growing up? How were the misconceptions that you had corrected? For those of you who enjoy learning and are feeling experimental ask your partner to insert and/or pull out the tampon for you (or if the case may be to let you do this to them). This can be a fun experience for both parties involved. For the person doing the inserting/pulling, it may be their first time ever dealing directly with something that many women take for granted. It can be quite funny because its almost like re-visiting the first time you ever used a tampon and how confusing it was as you sat alone in the bathroom reading the tampon instructions. For men, it can be an eye-opening experience. Remember the point of all this is to create a dialogue and to gain a better understanding of how the other person experiences the world. The more you know, the easier it is to do this. Furthermore, as an additional benefit, this experience may help the two of you become more comfortable with each other. Comfort in learning about each others likes, dislikes and daily routines, may enable the two of you to become more adventuresome in all areas of sexuality. Such as engaging in fantasy play, S&M, and reading sexy books to each other.

The benefits of having sex during a woman's period

  • You get to have sex!
  • The blood flow acts as extra lubrication - so it is super slippery ;) and you will not need to purchase that Astro Glide.
  • The added menstrual swelling provides a woman with an increased amount of stimulation - therefore it is easier to have an orgasm

Engaging in sex during menstruation is the time a woman is least likely in her cycle to become pregnant (though still possible). Furthermore, the contractions from an orgasm push the fluids out of the uterus, thus decreasing a woman's cramps As you can see from the list above, having sex while 'on the rag' is a pleasurable experience. Body fluids are natural. Sweat, saliva, semen (cum) and female ejaculations are all present. Menstruation is another natural bodily fluid. For those of you that are wondering, the actual blood flow for each woman per day, on average is only 2 tablespoons, which as can well imagine is not very much. However, for those of you who feel slightly squirmish about blood you may want to try putting a towel underneath where the of you will be having sex. This way, the 'mess' is easy to clean up. Or you could imagine a world where women were proud of their blood flow and pretend to be like Rambo and be proud of the blood that gets left on the white sheets. It shows that you are a *real* woman.

For the squeemish:

  • For those of you who are too "grossed out" by getting blood on you penis, but still want to engage in sex, try pleasuring your partner with a dildo and/or vibrator. This way your partner still gets the pleasure of intercourse, and you penis can remain blood free!
  • Many men and women have grown up believing that menstruation is a 'curse'. For some women it can be physically painful (ie cramps), others feel dirty and bloated. Men, like women may also have negative images or beliefs. Yet, menstruating is normal, and for many men and women, menstruation is a sexually active couple's best friend. Menstruation is an indication of not being pregnant. Given the wide range of attitudes about menstruation, take time and develop a way for the two of you to begin a dialogue. This is critical so that the two of you will be able to understand how each of you as individuals understand what menstruation means, and how the two of you as a couple accept this natural part of yourselves. There is rush, the two of you will have the rest of your lives to explore the world of sexuality with each other. Go at a pace that feels comfortable.

Ways to have oral sex if the woman is menstruation

  • Down and dirty - just go for it.
  • After taking a shower, put a fresh tampon in, and then have oral sex. The tampon acts as a barrier method, collecting all the blood. Thus, other than the visual experience of having a string coming out of the vaginal canal you might not even be aware she is 'on the rag.'
  • Use a diaphragm to block the menstrual blood.
  • Use a dental dam, that way there will be no physical touching of the blood.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Use a dildo and your fingers (ok, your right, that's not oral sex, but many women enjoy it anyway.)

All tips written by Alex Robboy, LSW

 

 

 

 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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