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Past Tips |
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Intimacy
Intimacy & menstruation
If you have ever been embarrassed about getting your period or uncomfortable
when your partner has gotten her period, this tip is just for you. The key to
relaxing and feeling comfortable is knowledge. There are several ways to get
information. Read a book, talk to a friend and ask your partner. Creating a
dialogue with your partner deepens the connection between the two of you. There
are fewer taboo areas. To begin a conversation you may want to begin with easy
questions. The following are a list of questions, which most women will divulge
to most anyone, that is if someone is willing to ask. Ask your partner about
when she first got her period. Most women have vivid first experiences. Maybe
she did not know what periods were, maybe she thought she had hurt herself, or
maybe she was well prepared with a pad. Ask your partner what her cycles are
like. Is she a heavy, medium or light bleeder, is she regular, or does she often
skip periods altogether. Does her dietary habits change during menstruation,
does her mood change, as in does she get horny, depressed, energized, relaxed,
or sad? How did either of you first learn about menstruation? When did each of
you first become aware that women bleed once a month? Who told you about
puberty? How detailed was your understanding, and what misconceptions did the
two of you have growing up? How were the misconceptions that you had corrected?
For those of you who enjoy learning and are feeling experimental ask your
partner to insert and/or pull out the tampon for you (or if the case may be to
let you do this to them). This can be a fun experience for both parties
involved. For the person doing the inserting/pulling, it may be their first time
ever dealing directly with something that many women take for granted. It can be
quite funny because its almost like re-visiting the first time you ever used a
tampon and how confusing it was as you sat alone in the bathroom reading the
tampon instructions. For men, it can be an eye-opening experience. Remember the
point of all this is to create a dialogue and to gain a better understanding of
how the other person experiences the world. The more you know, the easier it is
to do this. Furthermore, as an additional benefit, this experience may help the
two of you become more comfortable with each other. Comfort in learning about
each others likes, dislikes and daily routines, may enable the two of you to
become more adventuresome in all areas of sexuality. Such as engaging in fantasy
play, S&M, and reading sexy books to each other.
The benefits of having sex during a woman's period
- You get to have sex!
- The blood flow acts as extra lubrication - so it is super slippery ;) and
you will not need to purchase that Astro Glide.
- The added menstrual swelling provides a woman with an increased amount of
stimulation - therefore it is easier to have an orgasm
Engaging in sex during menstruation is the time a woman is least likely in
her cycle to become pregnant (though still possible). Furthermore, the
contractions from an orgasm push the fluids out of the uterus, thus decreasing a
woman's cramps As you can see from the list above, having sex while 'on the rag'
is a pleasurable experience. Body fluids are natural. Sweat, saliva, semen (cum)
and female ejaculations are all present. Menstruation is another natural bodily
fluid. For those of you that are wondering, the actual blood flow for each woman
per day, on average is only 2 tablespoons, which as can well imagine is not very
much. However, for those of you who feel slightly squirmish about blood you may
want to try putting a towel underneath where the of you will be having sex. This
way, the 'mess' is easy to clean up. Or you could imagine a world where women
were proud of their blood flow and pretend to be like Rambo and be proud of the
blood that gets left on the white sheets. It shows that you are a *real* woman.
For the squeemish:
- For those of you who are too "grossed out" by getting blood on
you penis, but still want to engage in sex, try pleasuring your partner with
a dildo and/or vibrator. This way your partner still gets the pleasure of
intercourse, and you penis can remain blood free!
- Many men and women have grown up believing that menstruation is a 'curse'.
For some women it can be physically painful (ie cramps), others feel dirty
and bloated. Men, like women may also have negative images or beliefs. Yet,
menstruating is normal, and for many men and women, menstruation is a
sexually active couple's best friend. Menstruation is an indication of not
being pregnant. Given the wide range of attitudes about menstruation, take
time and develop a way for the two of you to begin a dialogue. This is
critical so that the two of you will be able to understand how each of you
as individuals understand what menstruation means, and how the two of you as
a couple accept this natural part of yourselves. There is rush, the two of
you will have the rest of your lives to explore the world of sexuality with
each other. Go at a pace that feels comfortable.
Ways to have oral sex if the woman is menstruation
- Down and dirty - just go for it.
- After taking a shower, put a fresh tampon in, and then have oral sex. The
tampon acts as a barrier method, collecting all the blood. Thus, other than
the visual experience of having a string coming out of the vaginal canal you
might not even be aware she is 'on the rag.'
- Use a diaphragm to block the menstrual blood.
- Use a dental dam, that way there will be no physical touching of the
blood.
- Close your eyes.
- Use a dildo and your fingers (ok, your right, that's not oral sex, but
many women enjoy it anyway.)
All tips written by Alex Robboy, LSW
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