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            How To Have GOOD Sex

To have good sex, start by sitting on your bed face to face with your partner (hint: clean bedding is always an added bonus). Sit in a comfortable position. With you and you partner's eyes closed, take 4 deep breaths. During your next 4 deep breaths you and your partner will look into each other's eyes. Once you have finished, while looking into each other's eyes and take another 4 deep breaths. Without words, spend the next ten minutes taking turns using just your eyes to communicate thoughts with each other. Try communicating embarrassment, support, sexual arousal, love, and respect. When you are done, while maintaining the face to face sitting position, finish the following statements (out-loud). 
1) The most difficult part of this assignment so far has been. . . . 
2) The easiest part of this assignment so far has been . . . 
3) I felt awkward when . . . 
4) I felt most connected to you when . . .
5) You turned me on the most when . . . 
6) In the next week, I would like to try . . . again.

Next, have Person A (that's you) take Person B's hand and place it somewhere on your own body. Person A (you) should then guide person B's hand to where and how you like to be touched on your body. For some people this may mean deep massaging the inner legs, for others it might look like light touches on the elbow, or soft, big circles around the breasts. Do not forget your toes, your armpits, or the back of your ears. Make sure that you spend particular time in the areas that you find most stimulating. It is to each of your benefits to not miss an inch of your body. Right now you are teaching her how you like to be touched. Touch can be rough and hard, or soft and light. In all reality, it can be anyway you like! All you have to do is ask (without words in this assignment). Then switch roles. Have Person B guide Person A's hand and have fun! The best part about this assignment is that no matter which role you are in, there is plenty of body touch and exploration. Through slow touch, sexual excitement tends to build! 

Next, answer the following 9 questions. However, to do so, Person A should place their hand on Person B's genitals, and Person B should place their hand on Person A's genitals. 
7) The most difficult part of being a guider was. . . . 
8) The easiest part of being a guider was . . . 
9) The most difficult part of being a giver was . . . 
10) The easiest part of being a giver was . . . 
11) What did you learn about your partner's body? (is this really what 
your partner wanted you to learn? Please respond)
12) I felt awkward when . . . 
13) I felt most connected to you when . . 
14) You turned me on the most when . . . 
15) In the next week, I would like to try . . . again.

Take 4 more deep breathes and really allow yourself to connect with one another again. Now, using your knew knowledge, take turns touching each other. Focus on the 'techniques' and 'areas' that your partner just taught you. Staying focused on each other, move closer together and embrace each other. Allow your lips to connect. While holding each other, lie down on the bed. While still in this embrace, begin to give the other person a sensual massage. This massage should start with the head, and end by slipping your partners toes into your mouth and sucking on them. Toe are one of the most highly sensitive parts of the body (this may be because they are so often neglected, thus when you do stimulate them, people reconnect with their bodies in whole knew ways. Try it, then decide if you like it).

Rest for a day 

Once again, start by sitting face-to-face with your partner. With the exception of your socks, the two of you should be completely nude. Take the next 30 seconds and look deep into your partner's eyes.  Once you feel connected to your partner, squeeze his or her hands.  Likewise, when your partner feels comfortable with you he or she will squeeze your hands.  Once each if you have squeeze the other person's hand the receiver (person A) will lay herself down on the bed, stomach up.  Meanwhile, person B (that is you) will set a timer to go off in a half an hour.  

Your mission (person B), for the next half an hour is to play with your partner's genitals.  The purpose of this "play," contrary to popular myth is not to bring your partner to orgasm, but rather to merely stimulate.  Again, contrary to myth the focus of this exercise is not pleasuring your partner, but rather designed for you to experiment with what types of "play" you enjoy on your partner's body. Note, if person A does not like the form of touch, person A must share this. Other than that, person A should give NO feedback.  This play time is for you.  If person A gets enjoyment out of the stimulation than it is an added bonus, but not the goal.  

Then switch roles. Repeat.  

Next, answer the following 9 questions. However, to do so, Person A should place their hand on Person B's toes, and Person B should place their hand on Person A's toes.

  1) The most difficult part of being a receiver was. . . .
  2) The easiest part of being a receiver was . . .
  3) The most difficult part of being a giver was . . .
  4) The easiest part of being a giver was . . .
  5) What did you learn about your interaction with your partner's body?
  6) I felt awkward when . . .
  7) I felt most connected to you when . .
  8) You turned me on the most when . . .
  9) In the next week, I would like to try . . . again.

Stop... go to sleep... or have dinner.....or.... (in other words your session is over for the day/evening)

Tomorrow, have Person A (that's you) take Person B's hand and place it under genitals. Person A (you) should then guide person B's hand to where and how you like to be touched on your genitals. For some people this may mean deep massaging, while for others it might look like light touches on the tip of the clitoris.  In some respects, the you are teaching your partner how you like to masturbate.  In other respects though, you are simply showing your partner ways that you find enjoyable for him or her to touch you. Again, the goal is stimulation, not orgasm.  After a half an hour of this, switch roles. 

Next, answer the following 9 questions. However, to do so, Person A should place their hand on Person B's toes, and Person B should place their hand on Person A's toes. 
  1) The most difficult part of being a receiver was. . . .
  2) The easiest part of being a receiver was . . .
  3) The most difficult part of being a giver was . . .
  4) The easiest part of being a giver was . . .
  5) What did you learn about your interaction with your partner's body?
  6) I felt awkward when . . .
  7) I felt most connected to you when . .
  8) You turned me on the most when . . .
  9) In the next week, I would like to try . . . again.

Then have sex.

For the advanced couple: 

How to have GREAT sex

Practice every day. Once a week, tell your partner what you liked best about your week's worth of practice together. Then, in addition to following the recommendations produced by howtohavegoodsex take turns making up suggestions / ideas. 

This tip was originally written by Alex Robboy LSW

 

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If you have enjoyed this/these tips you can . . . . 
 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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