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How
To
Have
Good
Sex!
Past Tips |
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Having Sex for the First Time
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
Having sex
for the first time
Ask Alex,
I really learn a lot from your advise. Keep up with good work. I have one
problem or rather concern; I am from a bit conservative society especially on
the sex matters. I'm going to get
married next year and I am sure that my wife to be is a virgin. So far, I have
met her only once but we keep in touch through phone calls.
As I know the first experience of the virgin girl is
very crucial and she going to feel a lot of pain and it might be a life time
nightmare for her if I want to show how macho I am.
Therefore my concern is how to go about 1).
initiating and 2). having
sex with her without hurting her or creating life time depression and scare.3)
suitable position to be adopted.
Hopefully you going help me on this matter, because I
do not want to to create tension whenever I initiate sex to her.
Concerned,
Dear Concerned,
First, take a big breath and relax, you are already well on your way to having
great sex. Intuitively you seem to be already doing the most important thing,
wanting to please your partner. Ultimately, pleasing your partner requires finding out what
she wants, likes and desires. This requires a conversation. Since your main form
of contact with her is via the telephone, you could either initiate a
conversation with her over the telephone, or wait until you see her in person.
Remember, talking about sex is just as important as having sex!
Given that you have minimal information about her
sexual history, desires, likes or wants, and you want to make sure that this is
a good experience for her, try letting her be in control. Often when women
initiate (and men) they are in a better position to “own” their behavior.
For example, after the two of you have begun kissing, do not immediate touch her
breasts, wait for her hands to touch your breasts first. In addition, do not
place your hands on her inner thighs until she has touched yours. In other words
try to keep pace with her. Sometimes
you can lead a little bit, but mostly just try to stay parallel to her actions.
This way, she will never feel rushed to do something that she is not ready for,
and you will begin to learn what her level of sexual energy is like.
In regards to your other question, what is the best
position for having intercourse for the first time, I suggest the missionary
position.
Missionary Position (person with a penis or dildo on
top) In the missionary position, the person with a penis or dildo is on top and
assumes the dominant role. The other person who is on bottom assumes the passive
role. (Each person is lying down, stomach-stomach, face-to-face. Most people may
be able to remember using this position the first time they had sex or in their
early days of sexual experimentation.) It is one of the tried and true methods
for intercourse. Unfortunately, this position gets a lot of bad press. It is
considered 'gendered and old-fashioned". I believe this is a great position
for two reasons. First, the person on top has a lot of control over the degree
of stimulation that they get and second, the person on bottom can easily
increase their sexual pleasure by masturbating while simultaneously having
intercourse. If the partner on top is especially coordinated, she/he could also
help masturbate the person on bottom. Some of the techniques used to create an
intimate environment are eye-to-eye contact, guiding your partners hip movements
with your hands, massaging your partner's neck/back, nibbling the other person's
ears, necks or lips. And of course, whispering something that only your partner
can understand.
Ps. Remember, sex takes practice. No matter how much reading
you do to prepare yourself for your first sexual experience, first timers always
encounter some type of difficulties. They
range from loss of erection, not lasting long enough, difficulty entering the
vagina, bleeding, slight amounts of pain, and lack of coordination. But do not
worry, these moments of confusion can actually enhance the sense of closeness
that the two of you may feel as you embark upon a new experience together. A
little bit of anxiety of increases ones sense of connectedness. Thus, while the
actual sex may lack technique, the specialness of the situation can make for a
wonderful night.
This Tip was originally submitted by Alex Robboy MSW
(licensed in PA)
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