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Do you need some help in writing a secret love letter? Click here


Often, in long term relationships, the get up and go, got up and left. The purpose of this tip is to re-ignite the romance candle. To do this, take SEX out of the picture and focus on intimacy building. The tip will help foster the feelings of connection between the two of you. The assignment takes somewhere between 10-30 minutes to complete and has the potential of making your partner aware of how much you care about her. This is one the most important ingredients for long term satisfaction.

Love notes

Purpose: Bring romance back into your relationship

Supplies: One piece of regular size paper

A pen

Scissors (optional)

Instructions: Cut the piece of paper into seven strips. On each strip of paper, write one of the following:

---write about some quality you find especially endearing about your partner (the way she lisps, her full red lips, how she answers the telephone) and most importantly how this makes you feel (It makes me smile, I want to hug you, it reminds me of our first date…)

---write about something that she does that overtly shows she takes time out of her day to think of you (packs your lunch, fixes the toilet when it breaks, takes you out to your favorite dinners) and most importantly…. how it makes you feel when she does this (I feel loved, nurtured, cared for, special, smiles..)

---write down some special memory that the two of you had together… remember when we got caught kissing on the couch by our 3 year old daughter and we got all red faced because we did not know how to respond…remember second date when I got so nervous that I spilt red wine all over my pants….remember that party that we threw last year and it went so well, that was one of my happiest moments with you, remember how much fun we had planning for our wedding night

---just a simple note that says that you were thinking of her

---a note telling her how pretty she looks today, and describe her

---a note which sums up why you fell in love with her (7 sentences)

---a note telling her how much you can not wait until the two of you

see each other in the near future

---ask her out on a date. This date could be one of the following: a home cooked meal - made by you!, a picnic, going to the movies (something romantic - like a 'woman's movie), roller blading, biking, tennis, swimming, museums, a special event, a long stroll, whatever the two of you did on your first date, dancing, opera etc

Feel free to write more love notes. There is no such thing as going overboard. Who wouldn't like a whole slew of 'love notes' to be found when one is not expecting any.

Each day, take one strip and put it somewhere that you are sure she will find it. This might be her underwear draw, the refrigerator, her briefcase, her lunch box etc. Finally, on the last day, take your last note, the one asking her out on a date, and place it in the 'usual' place. Then wait for her response.

***some of the following variations have also worked well: changing the locations of the love notes, the number of hours, or days in between them. Some days, you may want to place three notes, and other days only one. You may want to want to ask her to make a choice between one of the following two dates. Her response must be demonstrated by either her wearing the new pair of earings you bought her, or the black sexy bra….. or maybe based on what she brings for lunch, or what side of the bed she rolls out of… get creative. Have fun!

Tips written by Alex Robboy, LSW




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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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