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Fantasy
HTHGS: Fantasy - written by Alex
Robboy
Fantasy can be a great way to increase you and your partner's sexual
pleasure. Fantasy can be used alone, with a partner, or even in a group. With
the use of fantasy, you can go anywhere, be anyone and do anything. In some
ways, the use of fantasy is the best sexual technique possible. It's cheap, it's
easy, it's yours, and best of all, the world will become yours, and you are the
master.
Frequent concerns that people have when using fantasy
1) What does it say about me, or my partner that I / she/ he uses fantasy?
What if my fantasy is to be raped? - and I enjoy it?
2) How will fantasy influence my sexual relationship? What if I decide that I
like fantasy better than the real thing? What if I fantasize and do not tell my
partner about it? Can we still be as close? Shouldn't my partner be enough to
turn me on without using any type of aid? Most people, including married people,
fantasize. Fantasies can include imagining your partner sucking harder on your
nipples, taking more of your penis into his mouth, having her put her finger
inside of you as she nibbles on your clitoral hood, thinking about how the
person sitting across the bar from you might approach you and ask if he can buy
you a drink. Fantasy is simply a way for people to imagine themselves having an
intimate sexual experience in a lot of different ways. Fantasy is all inclusive
and is not limited to just penile-vaginal intercourse.
Fantasies vary a lot from person to person. Some fantasies are about past
lovers, friends or even people you have never met in person. Other fantasies are
more related to setting; in a lighthouse, under a bed, in a car etc. Fantasies
can focus on someone of the same - sex , yourself, and/or an inanimate object.
There are no rules. Sometimes people feel upset by their fantasies because it
does not include their partner. If this is the case one way to deal with your
feelings is by focusing on the positive effects that these fantasies have on you
and your partner's sexual relations.
1) Your increased arousal is something that you bring to the relationship.
2) Fantasy is an effective way of getting into a sexual mood. Fantasy helps
you leave your worries about parenthood, and work behind and focus on the
moment.
3) Fantasy is a way for you to take responsibility for your own level of
arousal. You do not need to depend upon your partner to do all the physical and
mental work for you. Fantasies are just that. Fantasy. Just because you
fantasize about having an orgy, getting whipped, beating a loved one, or having
sex in front of a live audience does not mean that you want these fantasies to
become reality. Fantasy and behavior are two very different things.
For those of you who are still having negative feelings about your fantasies.
Try discussing them with a friend or a partner (whichever feels less
threatening). How do you know that you are having negative feelings about your
fantasies? In what ways is it preventing/ increasing your sexual pleasure? Where
did you learn to feel guilty? Whom else do you know that fantasizes? When was
the first time you can remember fantasizing? How often does it occur? In what
ways could you imagine your partner enhancing your fantasy? Have you ever tried
constructing a joint fantasy? How is it similar? How is it different?
Most people can shrug off the fantasy of having their partner want to be
sexual with a famous movie star because the chances of that fantasy ever
becoming reality are quite small. In comparison, the fantasy that is most
difficult to discuss is the one about a close friend. This fantasy seems to
cause the greatest insecurities in the other partner. Yet, having sexual
thoughts about lots of people is normal. Acting out on thoughts (while normal)
does not always follow fantasy. The difference between fantasy and reality is
behavior. In fact, usually if a partner is willing to take the risk to tell you
about their 'fantasy' and risk your jealousy, they are coming to you because
they trust you and want to get closer with you. They are not doing this because
they are going to act on their behavior.
Tips written by Alex Robboy, LSW
HTHGS:
Fantasy (written by Marcus, a subscriber)
Yes,
I have a sex tip for everyone. Think and fantasize at the 100% level of what you
want or think you want to do but be very happy if you get 60%. When you have 2
minds, bodies and 2 backgrounds, assuming 2 people are involved, then 60% until
you learn about each other much more and most people don't is a good baseline
figure. With each additional person added, subtract 10%. This will give you a
realistic expectation of pleasure actually attainable under normal conditions.
The mind, advertising (cosmetic, visual and clothing) smell and hearing of the
cues needed for 2 people are the most important. The sexual joining is where
most people get disenchanted because it is primarily, if most of the
prerequisite conditions aren't met, limited by the endurance and other factors
not wholly controllable on demand.
To recap; the mind, senses and cues that are needed control the real percentage
of the intensity of sex or whatever experience is wanted for that matter. The
actual physical part of sex is nothing but a small part of the whole but it is
made out to be whole fabric instead of part. Marcus
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