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Cumming too quickly (written by a subscriber)

I used to have the problem that many men have, that of Cumming too quickly when having sex. It used to irritate me like mad, all I really cared about was pleasuring my partner and I felt that me ejaculating within a few thrusts of coitus was just not up to the job. We'd spoken about it briefly but I'd got embarrassed and said, "Don't worry - I'll try harder".

Then one time after the usual had happened, I went so far as to reveal to my partner that I didn't enjoy sex. I was embarrassed at my performance and not being able to last longer and although it was a pleasurable physical stimulation, the mental trauma I was enduring was almost too much.

To my surprise my partner took offence at this comment. She thought that the reason I didn't enjoy sex was her - was she doing something wrong, was she not being vocal enough or making the right faces. Slowly as we talked I began to understand that she DID enjoy having sex with me, the intimacy was enough to stimulate her, never mind the actual back-and-forth. So I decided to just mentally let go and not worry about how long I was lasting, now I knew that my partner was enjoying it whatever happened I could get to enjoying sex.

As you can probably guess, I suddenly became far more able to last longer now I was not committed to lasting longer. Longer-lasting sex is more pleasurable but please make sure your readers understand there is far more to sex than just the act of penetration and orgasm. My partner and I now enjoy great sex, not because it lasts longer, but because we both just enjoy it without worrying about performance, length, speed or anything else. Sex is fantastic, just enjoy it!

I hope this little story goes some way to helping a few of your readers, the methods sometimes outlined in this newsletter I guess do work, but most of the problem is in a man's mind. CJ



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS

Ms. Robboy is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Growth Inc and How To Have Good Sex Inc.  Alex practices marriage and family therapy and sex therapy, and also conducts periodic seminars about human sexuality throughout the northeastern United States.

Ms. Robboy graduated from the University of Pennsylvania where she earned a Masters degree in Social Work, a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Human Sexuality Education and a Post-Masters Certificate in Marriage Counseling & Sex Therapy. Through the American Board of Sexology, she is a board certified sexologist and through the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists a certified sex therapist.  Additionally, she is a licensed clinical social worker and a member of the American Board of Marriage and Family Therapy.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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