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How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

 HTHGS: Approaching a female about sex (written by Kelly Connell, MS.Ed.)

Ask Kelly,
What is the best way to approach a female about sex? How could I make her feel more comfortable about being with me? Should I tell her I am a virgin before or after sex? What is your advice for my first time? I know I probably won't last long but I have always heard that foreplay is the  key. I am a little scared about oral sex, how does it taste? Should I perform it my first time or stay away from it? I think that it would be a good idea, but??? Brandon,

Dear Brandon,
What is the best way to approach a female about sex? TALK  to her! Tell her how you feel and that you are thinking you would like to have sex.  If you are going farther and farther physically with each date, you are pretty much leading up to it. Tell her before things go farther, you think you should talk about some things before hand.  Tell her how you feel about her and that you are attracted to her.  See if she feels the same.

 How could I make her feel more comfortable about being with me? Don't rush her. Don't pressure her.  Tell her you are in no rush. Get to know her as a person.  It takes time to build trust and to build a relationship. be yourself.

 Should I tell her I am a virgin before or after sex? That is a personal decision and it is up to you.  You said she is experienced. Does that bother you?  Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. It may be a good way to break the ice about where your relationship is going physically.  You may want to tell her you have never had sex before and why. Have you been waiting for the right person and you think it is her? Are you concerned that she wont enjoy it because she is experienced and you are not?

 What is your advice for my first time? I know I probably won't last long but I have always heard that foreplay is the  key. Why don't you think you will last long? Foreplay is important, for both of you. If you are working up to sex, you may have already petted, had oral sex or made out. The best advice I can give you is to go slow. Take your time. Talk to her about what she likes. Also, follow your instincts.

 What different kinds of foreplay could I perform? That depends on what she likes or what she wants. All people are different and not everyone likes the same things.

 I am a little scared about oral sex, how does it taste? Should I perform it my first time or stay away from it? I think that it would be a good idea, but??? It shouldn't taste bad. IF it does, then she may have a medical problem.  I can't tell you if you should do it or not. That is between the two of you. Ask her if she likes it or take your cue from the signals she sends, how she responds when you attempt it.

 Remember, very few people see skyrockets the first time they have sex. They are usually nervous and self conscious.  Second, sex is something that with time and the right partner, can only improve. As you get to know each other's bodies and experiment with what pleases you, you will begin to be more comfortable with each other. Communication is the most important thing. Third, just because she has had sex does not mean all her sexual experiences were good. It also doesn't mean she will comparing you to anyone else. Everyone has their own lovemaking style.  If you are nervous about being a virgin when she isnít because of this, then maybe you should think about telling her that. Fourth, there are several good books out there about sex and technique. You can find them at bookstores or at the library in many cases. Try the old standard "The Joy of Sex" .  Just go in and browse.  It is nothing to be ashamed of. Lastly, if you decide to have sex, you need to discuss what method of birth control you are going to use to prevent pregnancy and because she has had sex before, you need to use condoms. I hope this helps! Good luck Kelly Connell, MS.Ed

 

 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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