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Clitoris
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
HTHGS:
Locating the clit (written by Kelly Connell, MS.Ed.)
Ask Kelly,
I'm a newbie to this whole sex thing. I've had it before, but I don't
think I was ready even though I thought I was at the time. But regardless,
I'm currently in a new relationship and my girlfriend and I decided to take it
slow. We've been getting increasingly more intimate and I'm having trouble
finding her clitoris with my finger. It is disappointing to have the
moment I stick my hand down her pants to be the anti-climax of our foreplay
instead of the climax. We communicate well but we simply can't find a spot
that arouses her. Most of the time she says it feels like nothing.
I've read up and looked at diagrams to find where the clitoris is, but none of
it seems to help. She is a virgin and doesn't masturbate, and therefore,
has as much of an idea where her clitoris is as I do. It’s not
necessary, but I love her and I'd like to be able to please her physically as
well as emotionally. I know that it is different for every girl, but are
there some girls where the clitoris simply can't be accessed? Does the
fact that she's a virgin have anything to do with it? What are some ways
to help explore her vagina? If I touch the clitoris will she feel
something right away? How long should I stay in one area to know if it's the
clitoris? I'm simply inexperienced, and uneducated in this matter.
Any information, that's not already on your web page, regarding this subject
would be extremely helpful. Thank you for your time, Adam
Dear Adam,
First, our girlfriend should take a hand mirror and examine her own genitals
when she is by herself. She should explore her own body and she where things are
and become comfortable with that. There is NOTHING wrong with masturbation and I
would encourage her to do so. Masturbation does not always have to result in
orgasm. It is simply the stimulating of one's own genitals for pleasure.
It is perfectly normal and everyone does it as some point in their lives. If you
do not experiment with your own body, how can you tell anyone else what feels
good for you?
Being a virgin has nothing
to do with being able to find your own or someone else's clitoris. When a person
is not aroused, the clitoris stays within the clitoral hood. When the person is
aroused, it comes out and becomes erect.
The clitoris can be
very sensitive in many different ways. when aroused, touching it can give great
pleasure. when not aroused or when over stimulated, touching it can be really
irritating. Go slow. Don't try to run it so hard or so fast at first that it
looks like you are trying to erase it.
I would suggest that
after she explore her own body with a mirror, you should do it together. And
don't be afraid to explore your body too!
Vagina exploration
can be accomplished with a mirror as well. Also try inserting your finger into
her vagina, slowly and gently at first and then let her tell you how she likes
to be stimulated.
The fact that you love your
girlfriend and took the time to write to me shows that you care about her and
about having a healthy sex life. Remember, when two people are starting to be
sexual together, it takes time to get to know each other and relax. She may be
nervous or scared since she has never had sex, or she may have been brought up
to feel like it is dirty. It takes time and patience, but it can always
improve as you get to know each other's bodies and what feels good.
The
clitoris is there! Just relax and try the things I have mentioned and see how it
goes from there. Good luck! Kelly Connell MS.Ed.
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