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Past Tips


Talking About Sex
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

  • Talking about sex (written by Shannon & Claudette)

  • Shy about sex (written Shannon & Claudette)

HTHGS: Talking about sex (written by Shannon & Claudette)

Ask Shannon and Claudette,
I've been married for nearly 8 years and my husband and I have not had a very exciting sex-life. I have turned him down a lot in the past because he had either made me angry or sometimes I was just angry that I didn't get very much pleasure out of sex. Just recently I've decided that I want to make more of an effort so that my husband and I can have better sex. He is the type of guy that doesn't like talking about things. I don't know what is going on in his head, what he likes, whether something will turn him off (like if i come on too strong or use language that he's not used to). I also need help expressing to him what I need. I feel that we have a lot of sexual "taboo's" that need to be overcome and I was wondering if you could offer me any advice in this area. Thanks, L. Mcl

Dear L.Mc,
We are required to reply directly to the website.  We are sorry, but we are not able to respond directly to you, unless you hire us.  We hope you understand.  We think you have already identified the primary hurdle in the way of getting your needs met and knowing what his needs are communication!  Congratulations!  It takes some people years to recognize that the communication piece is missing and consequently effects the relationship on a variety of levels ­ in this case sexually.

What is an exciting “sex-life” to you?  Sometimes people perceive the outside world as having some wild and gymnastic “sex life.”  It may be important to identify exactly what you want or expect. What are the taboos? What would you like to try?  If you can open up the doors of communication maybe you can address the taboo issues?  Communication is the key ­ because without communication you would have a very difficult time trying to get your needs met or finding out about what he wants.

 Have you told him what you articulated to us? We think you did an excellent job expressing what you need when you explained it to us. Have you told him that you are not as pleasured as you would like from your sexual play? It sounds like you desire more expression and feedback from him.  It sounds like you want to know him deeply and that you are angry and maybe resentful that he doesn’t communicate what is going on for him?  Is that close? It is great that you want to invest more into the relationship.  It will be important that he also invests.  You could be the most invested partner in the world and sacrifice yourself for the relationship, but if your partner does not invest it wouldn’t really matter.  Relationships involve work and effort and feedback from everyone.  We just thought it may help you to know that you aren’t responsible for “fixing” anything or everything.  That responsibility falls on everyone.

 The challenge seems to be - how does a couple begin communicating when they have fallen into a pattern of not communicating over the last few years?  A couples therapist or family therapist may benefit you and help you break some of the old patterns of “non-communication.”  If that is not a possibility you both will have to find new ways to share and check-in with one another.  It may take a lot of work.  But, there is no better investment in a relationship than open and honest communication. Shan&Claude

HTHGS: Shy during sex (Written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
Hi, I am involved in a sexual relationship but I am quite shy when having sex. My boyfriend has been making it obvious that he wants me to go on top because it would really turn him on, and I would like this too but I am not sure what to do. He said I should squat over him, but I am not sure what to do. I want him to enjoy it but I need to know how :) Sorry if that seems like a silly question, please help. Thank you :):) S

Dear S,
This is not a silly question.  If you want some excellent educational aides ­ check out some erotica (porn)!  They could help you see how women “ride” from the top.  There are many different styles and techniques.  You may just have to try it to discover if it works for you and if it pleasures you. Depending on your size and his size and your style you may find being on top very pleasurable.  We will tell you that you may find that it is work!  You will have to do most of the moving and thrusting and it can be quite a workout!  Many women find being on top liberating and powerful - and pleasurable! Have fun figuring out the top, Shan & Claude



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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