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Pleasing a man
How to please a man in bed (Written by Shan&Claude)
Shan & Claude
out what you like and what your partner likes and communicating those attributes
to one another is incredibly important. To
find out what pleasures you – you can masturbate and permit your fantasies to
run wild and check out explicit movies and see what is out there and what it
does for you. Some things won’t
agree with you – and you won’t do them – other things you will love.
Eventually, you will come to understand what you really enjoy and what
“gets you off.” It takes self-exploration and honesty with yourself and the
communication skills to communicate what you want and need to your partner.
To figure out what your partner wants you will have to also communicate. He will need the safety and room to express himself and his
desires and needs honestly, without shame or embarrassment. Sometimes in our
culture people want sex to be like the movies: no communication, it “just”
happens, no one gets pregnant, there are no diseases, everyone has a dozen
orgasms, and so forth. Movies
aren’t real and generally for people to get what they want they have to ask or
communicate (verbally, nonverbally, e-mail, moans, expressions, etc) to get it.
Once you figure out what you both like then you can make a concerted and full
effort towards satisfying one another.
is not one “best” way to be sexual. Even
saying what pleases an “average man” or “average woman” would be quite
impossible. If you want more resources there are many books, CD-ROMS, websites,
and workshops (in person or on-line) that can teach you much about specific
sexual pleasuring techniques – oral sex, massage, anal sex, multiple-orgasms,
positions, sounds to make, role-playing, etc.
You will have to decide what you want to improve upon and seek out the
most appropriate item or info that applies.
This site, other websites, adult bookstores in your area,
can help you select the type of resource you need.
If we had to make recommendations we would start with two classics: this
website has many suggestions for being a great lover and toys that you can
purchase that can compliment sex play:
and another really good site is: goodvibes.com (vibrators and lubes and
instructional videos). I am sure
public television or your library may even have some resources that may help you
get ideas! If you and your partner
can seek out learning aids together and experiment together it can be that much
more fun. It is great when you understand exactly what it will take to give you
or your partner pleasure. Just make
sure that you are not too wrapped up in pleasing your partner – because most
partners don’t want it to just be one way.
Considerate partners want you to have and receive and experience pleasure
as well. Your partner may very well
want what you want – to be thought of as a good lover – and that means being
able to both GIVE and RECEIVE pleasure - completely!
In other words sometimes being a good lover means being able to receive
is a certain degree of unalterable chemistry that happens between two people
that is difficult to improve upon. Sometimes
the “energy” is there and sometimes it isn’t.
Have you ever met a friend who you connected with almost immediately?
The same goes for sex! Hopefully,
the energy is there between you and your partner so that the learning and
experimentation are that much more fun and comfortable and pleasurable. Here is
to your process of becoming a better lover, Shan & Claude
Turning on a guy (written by Shan&Claude)
Shan & Claude,
How to turn a guy on (written by Shan & Claude, MS.Ed)
Ask Shan & Claude,
may also want to look at your local community college (or state school) about
possibly enrolling in a Human Sexuality course where you could learn about,
question, and talk openly about sexuality with others. Likewise, the
internet must have chat rooms and resources for people who are trying to gain
confidence around sexuality. If you gain some experience and knowledge we
believe you would have a much easier time bringing these subjects up. If you
take the time to practice and learn about sexuality it will be a very valuable
investment in your life. You will be a sexual being until the day you die
and the sooner you can learn how to be sexually confident and sexually literate
the better! Here is to knowledge! Cheers! Shan & Claude
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