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Past Tips


Sexual Positions

  • Woman on Top (written by Shan&Claude)
  • Swan position (written by Shan & Claude)
  • Sex Positions (written by Alex Robboy)
  • Sex tips (written by Shan & Claude)
  • Missionary position (written by Shan & Claude)

HTHGS: Woman on top (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
Hey there! I've got a bit of a problem that I hope you can help me with...My partner and I have a great sex life, but I feel kinda guilty because he always does all the work. By that I mean I never go on top. I have explained to him that I feel very self conscious when on top and because of this I can't feel aroused. He says that it doesn't matter, but to me it does because I want to try new positions. I was just wondering what is the best way to please a man when on top and is there any way I can lose that self conscious feeling that's obviously holding me back? XxThanksxx

Dear Part 1,
Sometimes new things do feel a little awkward or embarrassing because they are new.  We were not sure if being on top did not give you pleasure or because of your self-consciousness you were unable to be pleasured while on top. 

You originally wrote about your guilt that your boyfriend did most of the “work.”  Did you tell your boyfriend that you want to try new positions or did you tell him you felt guilty because he does the “work?”  The difference is huge.  Does he know that you want to try to explore new positions and ways of giving and receiving pleasure or does he think that you feel bad because he is getting the workout?  It may benefit both of you to talk about what you want and how you both feel.  Communication can be difficult to initiate but it tends to lead to increased comfort with one another and with the acts being performed.  Without some degree of comfort there is usually little chance of pleasure.

There is not really any magic secret to what you will like on top – that is for you to discover.  One hint that may help you is that instead of you going “up and down” there is a way to grind your hips horizontally that will give him the same friction and sensation and will simultaneously grind your clit into his hips which you may enjoy.  Some women find it easier to orgasm on top.  We would speculate that it is because it puts the rider in more of a “power” and control position.  It also may allow you to better control the speed, angle, and depth of penetration, which may help you, experience pleasure.

Whatever position you get into during sex one thing that may help you will be to focus on your pleasure – not on how many positions you know, not on the nagging guilt of your boyfriend doing more work, not on whether he is being pleasured, and not on feeling a little embarrassed.  It is important to communicate about such things – but the focus should be on your sensations and pleasure.  You can do it!  Enjoy! Shan&Claude  

HTHGS:  Sex tips (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
I am with my boyfriend now 8 months and we have sex basically everyday. We basically do a few positions, but nothing too crazy. When I am on top of him, I get self-conscience, like I feel like I'm not doing a good job. He seems to enjoy it, but I think its an act, we have good communication, but I don’t know if he would admit to me that he doesn’t like it when I’m on top because he wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings...but I know he isn’t getting the greatest. Basically, I am asking for a couple of tips PLEASE to give him the ride of his life. Thank You

Dear ride of his life,
It sounds like you should talk to him and make sure he knows that you value his honesty and that you are not made of glass!  You claim you have good communication but in the next sentence you write that you are not sure he will be honest with you ­ is that good communication?  This is important because if you think he may be lying about this what else is he holding back?  Trust is built on honesty ­ so make sure to communicate and give him the message that you reward honesty and not politically correct romanticism.  In regard to the ride it may take some practice.  The way to find out if he loves it is to ask!  And for you to believe him you two must have an open and honest relationship ­ because it doesn’t help either of you if he just says he likes it!  There is really no secret that will totally change the way you ride.  There is one technique where instead of going up and down you simply grind your hips back and forth so that you are more of less grinding your clit on the area just above his penis.  This will most likely pleasure you more as well because your clitoris will be more stimulated than just by just penetration.  Good luck! Shan & Claude

HTHGS: Missionary Position (written by Shan & Claude) 

Ask Shan & Claude, 
I have started having a sexual relationship with my boyfriend, I have been sexually active for some time. I have a problem with my current boyfriend missionary position is difficult and we cant always do it as I am on the large side so we find it difficult to do it missionary, but we do it very well when he is behind me what other ways of intercourse can we do because from behind could get boring .
Dear boring from behind, 
We have heard from some large individuals that they enjoy having intercourse while spooning/laying side by side. Nothing we write is guaranteed – you must experiment and try to find what works for you and your partner and your body types. We do not know of any, but suspect there is a forum on the web for individuals experiencing similar problems. If there is not one – start one!  We get these questions frequently and there is a need for helpful information.
  You could be the expert
Hope that helps, Shan & Claude

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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