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Past Tips


How to last longer 
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

*Needing to last longer (written by Shan and Claude)
*Difficulty maintaining an erection (written by Shan & Claude)
*More Erectile Problems (written by Shan & Claude)
*Prolonged intercourse (written by Shan & Claude)
*How to last longer (written by other sexperts)

HTHGS: Needing to last longer (written by Shan and Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,  
I am 24 years old and my Girlfriend is 43, I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. Right now we are having a hard time because I am not getting a lot of hours at work and my checks are not that good . And right now she is really pissed off at me because she is paying all the bills. And I feel really bad about it I really don't want to lose her and to beat all that when we have sex I cum really fast and she doesn't have a orgasm at all and i know that she is really disappointed Every now and then I can make her cum before I do. But that is really RARE and i just want to please her so bad, There are a lot of times when we are having sex and I go limp if we have sex for a while and I don't know what to do. I do have a big fetish with her wearing stockings but she don't like wearing them because i cum really fast but I cant help it drives me crazy feeling the nylon stockings rubbing against my legs. I really want some good advice on what to do to make me stay harder longer we tried cock rings (they don't work at all) and I want to make her cum every time we have sex .what do I need to do. to get our relationship back on track and get her from being mad at me and to make our sex life exciting. I just want to make her every time we get in bed she wants me. I know that I am a good looking guy and my Girlfriend is sexy as hell. Please help me out sincerely --- Greg

Dear Greg,
There are obviously many issues going on at once in this situation.  It sounds like you and her have some conversations ahead of you.  To start off with you seem really concerned about money.  Males are sometimes conditioned to think that they are worth only what they make and making only a little money can contribute to some men feeling less than a man.  Some men even say it is emasculating and puts them in a weaker role than their partner.  This does not have to be the case.  You need to recognize that you are contributing to this relationship and that you are not how much money you make!  Just the fact that you wrote us shows that you are concerned and want to contribute to this relationship.  We hope that you don’t continue to make money such a big deal.  If the situation was reversed and you made what you she makes would you be upset to share your good fortune with her?  There are many wonderful answers on this website about how to condition yourself to last longer.  There are many things you can do to slow your orgasm or please her first.  Do you perform oral sex on her?  Do you massage her clitoris?  That may help her orgasm ­ but even if you do a lot of stimulating it still may not result in her orgasming every time.  That is a very high goal to set.  It is also a very goal oriented attitude towards sex.  Generally sex is best when it is not goal driven and just enjoyed and appreciated ­ one thing to another ­ simply to have fun and for pleasure.  In regard to your stocking fetish ­ maybe you could make that for special occasions?  Maybe when she really wants to drive you wild she could slide them on?  It sounds like you really love this person and we hope she loves you as much.  We hope that you two can begin having conversations that address how it makes you feel when she gets pissed because she pays many of the bills.  There are things that you will both have to do to resolve this situation.  It will take work, and caring, and communication on both of your parts.  If she cares about you deeply she will want to put in the work to see this relationship work out.

Shan & Claude

HTHGS: Difficulty maintaining an erection (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. A little background info: he's 29, I'm 24.  He is into open communication about EVERYTHING and that's good. In the beginning there was a time or 2 when we would be ready to have intercourse and he would lose his erection. This upset him greatly. At first I just put it off as he just thought about what was about to happen too technically. Now, actually for the past 3 months we've had sex about once a month. For various reasons (I was sick for a while, then it'd be time for my period, etc.). We would both please each other orally though. Recently, we've tried about 3 times to have sex within the last month or so and both times he lost his erection either right as he was about to enter me or during sex while switching positions. He swears it's not me. That he's just as dumbfounded and he doesn't know what it is. HELP!

Dear HELP!

You sound frustrated and confused. That is normal in this situation. As we have written before the body is a mystery. You can have great sex without an erection as hard as iron. He may not know what is causing it or it could be a physical problem. Most people would believe that it is psychological since he can get an erection at other times. Is he under a lot of stress? Is he concerned about pregnancy, aging, your relationship? Is he feeling guilty about anything? Was he given harsh or negative messages about sex or sexuality as a child? Maybe if you two really discuss this you will be able to identify something or things that may actually be contributing to the situation. But, as we mentioned he may not be able to single any one thing out. This sounds important to you so if this continues to be problematic for you both we do recommend that you see a profession in the field of couples counseling or sex therapy to help you resolve this – it is one of the most curable conditions that sex therapists see! Best of luck, Shan & Claude 

For other answers on how to last longer, please see  

HTHGS: More Erectile Problems (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
I am an 18 year old Female who's been sexually active with my boyfriend for about a year & a half now. We've been together for almost 2 years & have a very healthy relationship. We've never had a problem communicating with one another, especially when it comes to our sex life, until just recently. This past month my boyfriend has been experiencing some erectile problems. He is sometimes unable to maintain an erection and when he can maintain one, he becomes too tired & can't finish. This may be due to the fact that he just became aware of the fact that he's had a bad sinus infection & he constantly wants to sleep. And he's also been a smoker for about 2 years now. He becomes frustrated when I try to talk to him about the problem and says he doesn't know why this is happening and neither do I for that matter. I don't know if his sex drive is at an all time low or what's going on? Since he's 19 years old I feel at this point in his life he should be at his sexual peak & it's quite the opposite. He also mentioned that when he can cum, some of his orgasms are more intense than others and doesn't know why!? I was very confused by this b/c my orgasms are usually always very intense. I would greatly appreciate any advice or conclusions you have to these problems. Thank you very much, Unsatisfied 

Dear unsatisfied,
It is completely normal for people to report that they have different intensities (regarding orgasms) at different times. You were right to try to discuss this with him and we recommend that you try to talk with him again when you are both ready. Do not try to pressure him because that may add to this situation. You mentioned he was sick. Do you function at your best when you are sick or tired? There could be any number of reasons why he is having trouble maintaining an erection. He doesn’t seem particularly worried about this. Why are you so concerned? You have mentioned a couple of things that you believe he is “supposed to be” (at 19… and so forth). People are complex and do not follow rules or handbooks. He is what he is and being honest and kind and supportive is sometimes all you can do – but the good news is that it is A LOT!

Hope that helps, Shan & Claude



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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