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Erectile Problems
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

HTHGS: My penis went soft (written by Shan & Claude MS.Ed.)

Ask Shan & Claude,
I am a 17 yr old male and my girlfriend and I have decided to have sex but when we were ready my penis went soft just as I was about to enter. the only foreplay that I got was a hand job and kissing. I do not know whether that had nothing to do with it. do I have a condition or something. I am not a virgin as I have had sex with another girl about a year ago. I do not take any alcohol or drugs and do not know what is wrong. please help

Dear please help,
We were just asked a similar question by another 17 year old.  We are not sure if you are the same individual or not.  You have eliminated many factors that sometimes contribute to erectile dysfunction (alcohol and other drugs, that you have had “sex” before).  This information tells us that you can get an erection, but for some reason being with your partner psychologically causes you to lose your erection.  Some contributing factors that generally contribute to loss of erection include performance pressure, fear of something (getting caught, disease, pregnancy, against some of the values you may have been raised with, issues about intimacy and love, etc).  is a website that may give you some additional feedback and help you explore some of the psychological factors that may contribute to loss of erection during sexual experiences.  You may also want to check out   They are a fantastic resource, especially for folks under 18. 

 If none of this helps you we encourage you to seek the help of a professional (like a sex therapist) who has been trained and is comfortable with sexual issues.  There are also many answers from other sexperts regarding this subject on this website.

                                        Shan & Claude



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 

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