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Anger and Sexuality
How To Have Good Sex, Inc


  • Anger & Sexuality (written by Shan&Claude)

 HTHGS: Anger and sexuality

Dear Shan & Claude,
I have been married for 7 years and during the past year my wife has not wanted to have any sort of sexual relations with me. There is nothing that I am aware of that could be affecting this type of reaction. She does mention frequently that she feels "anger" when I try and touch her. Since January of this year she had masturbated be maybe three times and I have taken care of myself 6 or 7 more. I am lost at this point and don't really know what to do. As days go by it only seems harder to fix or understand. Suggestions please, Empty

Dear Empty,
Your wife’s anger could be a result of any number of things.  It could have nothing or everything to do with you.  Could you ask her about where the anger and rejection are coming from and what they are all about?  Could you tell her that you are hurt and feel neglected?

 You also mentioned that it occurred when you tried to touch her?  How does the “touch” bring about the anger?  Is she angry with you at other times?

 In regard to the masturbation…  it is not the numbers that we are concerned about but how you and your partner feel about the masturbation, individually and as a couple.  What does it mean to you?  Is it pleasurable?

 We only have so much we can go on based on your short e-mail.   We would advise you to speak with her directly in an honest and compassionate way. 

 That may be challenging.  It can be scary ­ because you may not hear what you want.  There is always that risk during communication.  But, since you are obviously upset perhaps it will be worth the risk to you?  Please do not hesitate to write again if you would like.

 Please, remember that even the best Sexpert advice via the Internet could not substitute for Family Therapy or Couples Therapy with an actual person.  Here is to pleasurable relationships! Shan&Claude



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
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