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Past Tips

 
Cheating Heart
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.
  • Cheating Heart (writtenby Lancie Martin Mazza, LCSW)
  • Deceit (Written by Alex Robboy & other sexperts)
HTHGS: Cheating Heart (writtenby Lancie Martin Mazza, LCSW)
Ask Lanice,
   I have been seeing my current girlfriend for approximately 2 years.
We have been friends however, for about 6 years. During those 6
years, I was always trying to pursue here interests romantically. We
finally go together 2 years ago, and have been together ever since. She began working for a company I started about a year ago. Over that period of time, I feel that our personal and business relationships are no longer distinguished.
  
   I feel like I am going home to an employee, not a girlfriend. There
 aren't any things we can talk about any more. It's all business. Now
 an interesting twist. About a month ago, I got together with a girl
 that works for a client of mine. I have always kind of fancied this
 girl in a purely asexual sense, until recently. Now that we have
 gotten together, I love to be with her. Neither one knows about the
 other. I love to spend time with my new interest, yet I feel guilty
 about my girlfriend. She has done so much for me and helped me
 through so much. I feel that I owe it to her to give our relationship
a try and work things out, but I can't get the other out of my head. I love being with her.
   Help. Misdirected, I think...
  
   Dear Misdirected,
   I would say that you have chosen a proper name for yourself. When I
 first started to read your letter for help I was actually empathetic
 toward your situation. It is very difficult to maintain a romantic
 relationship with two individuals who are also professionally
 involved. I am not saying it is an impossible task, however that type
 of situation does call for two people who have a strong sense of
 individuality and commitment to their relationship.
  
   The feeling you are having of "never leaving the office" is valid and
 needs to be addressed. Had you written to me before asking your
 girlfriend to venture into a business relationship with you, I would
 have strongly encouraged you to reconsider. Had you written to me
 before cheating on her I would have also encouraged you to reconsider.
  
   It sounds as though you are acting before taking the time to really
 think things through. Not only have you probably destroyed any chance  for your current relationship to work, but also you have started a  new one based on lies. Not to mention the fact that you have placed
 your career in serious jeopardy. If your current girlfriend finds out
 about the affair, she may choose to quit which will leave you short
 handed. She could also choose to stay at her job (which she has every
 right) that will continue to leave you in an uncomfortable working
 environment. Now the messy part, your new friend works for a client. That is the best way I know to lose business and destroy potential romance.
  
   What to do? You owe your current girlfriend the respect she deserves. Break off the other relationship until you have settled your feelings in your current one. Tell your girlfriend about the frustrations concerning work and home constantly mixing. Give her a chance to find another job. If you truly no longer have romantic feelings toward her
then make a clean break. Be honest with her and give her the   information she needs to make clear choices for herself. Then, and  only then, can you begin a guilt free relationship with another.
   Lancie
  
  

 

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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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