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Premature Ejaculation 
How To Have Good Sex, Inc.

HTHGS: Premature Ejaculation (written by Erin Black, BA)

Ask Erin,
I have a problem with not being able to go nearly as long as I would like to.  My girlfriend says that she doesn’t have a problem with it but I just think that she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.  I was wondering if there was anything that I would be able to do to overcome this pre-mature ejaculation?  I don’t know what to do and it is disappointing to myself to be letting her down all the time.  If there is anything I can do or if there is any remedies could you let me know.  thank you for your time. Sincerely, Shawn

Dear Shawn,
Recognizing that you have a problem is a great first step!  Having the desire and motivation to fix the problem is a great second step!  Now you have to do a lot of work because premature ejaculation can be related to a number of things either physically or psychologically and fixing a problem like this requires time and effort.  It sounds like you have a supportive girlfriend, which will help you work through this. 

 First, it is not a bad idea to visit your doctor to rule out any physical problems that may be causing premature ejaculation.  It is always a good idea to see a doctor at least once a year for a check-up, anyway.  After you have done that I recommend doing some reading.  I can generally talk about some techniques but having detailed instructions right in front of will probably be really helpful.  The book, Urge by Dr. Gabrielle Morrissey has a great chapter called “Speedy Gonzales” that discusses techniques for fixing premature ejaculation.  For example, there is a technique where the man or his partner will tease the penis to erection and then squeeze the base of the head of the penis to decrease the erection.  There are several phases and I recommend getting the book for the details as it is too involved to include here.   There is also another technique mentioned in the book is when the man becomes aroused and then stops all activity or thoughts and lets the arousal subside.  The purpose of these techniques is to help the man learn about what his body feels as he becomes aroused and right before he ejaculates.  By understanding how his body reacts at different times during intercourse or masturbation he can learn to control when he ejaculates, which controls premature ejaculation! You can purchase Urge at  all you have to do is look under “our favorite educational books.”

 If you do not think reading about any of these techniques has helped seeing a sex therapist is definitely the next step because there may be unrealized problems that you may not associate with sex and intercourse.  For example, stress at work or within the relationship may be the cause or depression, negative sexual experiences, performance anxiety or a number of other issues. To locate a sex therapist go to  

 You have made some great steps in the right direction and I hope I have been able to provide you with some advice that will help you continue in the right direction.  This website also recommends several books related to problems associated with sexual activities -


Erin Black, BA



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The Founder: "Alex" Caroline Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
"Alex" Caroline Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and a member of the North American Society for Psychological Obstetrics and Gynecology.


  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
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